The Nice Guy

What's been bothering me

2011-12-20T18:33:00.000-08:00

I posted this just as a rant on Facebook the other night. It got some great reactions!

For those of you who aren't friends with me, you can click HERE to be taken to the post. You can comment, like, share, or even disagree.

BUT, Please take a moment to read it. If you don't want to shoot me a friend request, I understand. I hope that it just makes you think for a moment and hopefully compells you to think a little differently and maybe be a little bit more open minded. Thank you for reading :)

And, if you don't want to send me a friend request to read it, you can just read the text below

So, a few things have been jumbling around my head the past few days.

1. I wish the holidays (minus the freezing weather) happened year round. I've given more in the past 2 weeks out of my wallet than I think I did all year long. I emptied my coin jar, coin pouch in my car (probably $45 worth in change alone), donated about 15 lbs of canned goods, and countless bills into the Salvation Army red cans in front of Raleys. Something about the holidays just gets me to really think about the rest of the world.

2. Ashley Nicole Ingram shared these sentiments today: Tim Tebow is RAKED across the coals for sharing his faith on national television. He's a believer in his God. He's passionate about it. He talks the talk and walks the walk. He's a missionary. He goes overseas and helps out those who are less fortunate. When I see all of you Tebow Critics get off FB and off the couch and help like he has, then I'll listen. Until then, please keep your ignorant comments to yourself! (the holiday spirit is upon me, but it won't keep me from culling ignorant and bigoted people from my friends. It's not about numbers, it's about relationships here).

3. Those of you who keep spouting that gay marraige should never be allowed should read this following statement... It's cynical, funny, and true all at the same time... "What is the #1 cause of divorce??? Marraige". How is it that two men or two women who love each other cannot be married yet a man and woman who HATE each other can remain married? Defeats the purpose no? And those who say Marriage is sacred really need to wake up. Let's take the plank out of our own eye for a moment mmk? They aren't trying to hold you down and force you to be gay. They just want to live their own lifestyle. AND I can hear this being said already "I just don't want to hear about it." Well, I don't want to read your drama about baby dady on FB all damn day. I don't want to hear about how stupid your husband is or how stupid your employer is. Isn't that the same thing??? Me thinks so. You force me to listen to your drama ALL.DAY.LONG. It clogs my feed so that's all I see is just negativity. Guess what? That's about to leave my FB. This is what I tell people all day long when they say "Justin, I don't want to read about gay marraige anymore". Then stop reading whatever book or magazine you're reading. Stop watching the TV that talks about it all day long. If you don't want to hear, read, or see it, Close your eyes and ears because obviously your mind is already too narrow to see anything else.

That's it for my rant. Feel free to comment, for everyone DOES have an opinion. Everyone does come from different backgrounds. But, for the LOVE OF GOD if you have an opinion, PLEASE make sure it doesn't come off sounding like a 3 year old monkey with dyslexia and tourettes. Ignorant comments are NOT welcome!

The Nice Guy

The lesson in death (even though it blows nuts)

2011-11-06T16:08:00.000-08:00

Actually, the lesson seriously blows a big ol donkey dick. There's no other way to put it.

I'd rather still have one of my childhood friends around and NOT learn the lesson than vice versa.

The story: October 19th, 2011, a very good friend named Jessie passed away. Leaving a wife and a 1 1/2 year old son behind. It was an unfortunate and tragic accident that left many of us asking "Why God WHY?!?!"

And over the past three weeks, I've kept asking that question. I've started to doubt my faith (which has only happened 4 times in my life), I've stopped asking God WHY, and just stopped the conversation. I didn't want to talk with God OR know the reason why. I wasn't ready to hear the lesson or even accept it... Until yesterday after Jessie's memorial.

At the memorial, I ran into many people I haven't spoken to since high school. 10+ years and I thought that leaving all those people behind was a good thing. Well.... Kinda. I would say for every 40 people I saw who I wanted to see again, I saw 1 I didn't. All in all, about 7 people from school who I could care less about and the rest who I was happy to see again. Even though the circumstance made the meeting bittersweet.

Yesterday, I shed a lot of tears. I hugged many friends who I hadn't seen in a long time. I took down countless phone numbers of people who I had lost touch with. And then.... The stories about Jessie started flowing, the laughter became louder, and the memories came rushing back.

And then My phone vibrated telling me someone had commented on my question: Struggling a little bit with faith 2 day. why does god grant miracles for some and not for others? My cousin Heidi responded with this:
Heidi Keen Hazelwood: Favor ain't Fair. Those that are called to be with the Lord are favored. Remember "weeping may endure for the night but joy cometh in the morning"(Psalm 30:5) be strong and stay encouraged-all prayers are answered in God's way-not our own. Hugs

Here are some other responses I got yesterday:

even if the lesson is just to hug more often and tell people each day you love them, there is a lesson, I swear.

there's a lesson in everything, even the really, really, really bad :( Some day we can look back and say, I was stronger because of this and my faith grew. Tits up kid, love ya!

We only get to see the present. Fortunately, He knows (and holds) the future. The miracle ur praying for may inhibit His future plans...it sucks but is also just His way of allowing us to NOT carry the burden, but let Him do it!

SO, what did I learn? What was the lesson? How does this all make sense? in school, Jessie was my defender. He stood up for me, he stood up for the underdogs. He was willing to put his neck on the line to make sure someone else was safe. He was also very well known for helping people get to know each other.... some of my dearest friends from high school came about because of Jessie.

In Jessie's last gift to the world, his organs were donated to people who needed them to continue living. In Jessie's death, many others could live. In Jessie's death, he was able to give the ultimate gift. He gave life to at least 7 other people. In his death, I was able to find friends who I had lost touch with. I was able to talk to people I never thought I would talk to again. Even after Jessie had left this world, he was still working his magic.

The pain of losing him still hurts. The pain of knowing the loved ones he left behind hurts. But I know he's in a better place. I know it wasn't our will, but it was God's will (that sentence is still hard to accept, but I do). He brought us all back together, he helped some of us get rid of the animosity that was once there. He helped us realize that tomorrow is a new day and we should take advantage to hug, kiss, and love on the people we care about. No one ever died of giving one extra hug or kiss or "I love you".

SO, let's make sure we don't waste that opportunity and realize that tomorrow is never guaranteed.

The Killing of the Bullies

2011-10-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

Shit. I've started it. It's been nagging at me for a while. It's been nagging at me for nearly 20 years. The assholes in my life who have bullied me. The ones who no matter how much time goes by, I still can't shake the anger and rage that wells up when I think about it.

I should be asleep in bed with my wife right now. I should be catching some z's because tomorrow is going to be a long day of work. Instead, I've been trying for the past 12 hours to write this post. This is the final version... Let's just say I've worn out Ctrl+A and delete today.

So, here goes. Want to know what goes through the mind of someone that's been bullied? Want to know why I strive every day to be a nice guy and stand up for the underdogs? Here's why:

Have you ever spent the first month of school being so nervous about bullies that you spend the first hour of the morning throwing up because you are so full of fear?

Have you ever felt as if no matter how hard you try to just blend, you still stick out like a sore thumb with a sign saying "Hurt me badly please?!"

Have you ever really had a wedgie so bad that your butt bled? I'm not talking about a little blood... I'm talking about being afraid of going to the ER because you can't get it to stop?

Have you ever been in the high school pool with the bully and pretend you have to shit for an entire hour because you know if you get into the pool, they're going to put you under until you actually think you are going to die?

Have you thought of 3,472,573,927,875 ways of killing your bully because that's far better than thinking about the pain you feel? And once you thought of every possible way of killing them, you then feel such guilt because now your own rage, anger, and violence that you want to direct towards someone is what you've been enduring?

Have you ever felt as if a supervisor purposefully sought you out just to pick on you?

Yep, here goes with my role call of bullies that should have had the shit beaten out of them repeatedly. Following everything they did to make my life hell. The people in high school I left the names out. The worthless supervisors in the Navy... Maybe their employers will find this and question the integrity of their employees....

Junior High School:

J.H. While this grade a Asshole never put his hands on me, him and his cohort P made sure that their words stung more than anything. Penzoil... That was the nickname gifted to me by these two. Why? I had pimples.. LOTS of them. I had oily skin. The joke? Hey JD, if you sold all the oil on your face to Penzoil, you'd be a millionaire! The one time I tried to stand up to P was on the weekend. I had gone to my school to go rollerblading. I just wanted to have some time to skate around on a nice blacktop that was smooth and envision being like the olympic skater Olav Koss. That dream was quickly taken away as P chased me around the blacktop with a belt and kept hitting me until I fell. I tried to defend myself but apparently her BIG brother was playing basketball. I.O. took it upon himself to come over and "defend" little sister. You know the "back breaker drop" that pro wrestlers do? I lost count at around 7 or 8 times being dropped on his knee. I laid there in my own pee and cried until they all left and I could limp home barefoot since they saw fit to take my rollerblades with them. Thankfully no one was home, I could take a shower, throw away the soiled clothes, and lick my wounds in silence. Sadly, most people who are bullied all go home and suffer silently. Trying to hide the shame they feel for not being able to stand up for themselves. We suffer silently asking God WHY? Why can't I fit in? Why do they continue to torture me?

High School:

R.P. and J.H., and the countless (worthless) wannabe gang bangers and their piece of shit girlfriends

Yes, these Grade A assholes were the ones who threw apples at me (IN CLASS), shoved me off the bleachers, tried repeatedly to drown me in the pool, gave me wedgies that again left my butt bleeding profusely. The ones that would pick on me in class and the worthless teachers who just shrugged it off. Yes Coach Johnson, I'm looking at you.

The worthless gang bangers who thought wearing red made them suddenly god's gift to the world and also gave them the right to torment every timid white boy who crossed their path. The ones who would throw rocks at me when I wasn't looking. That's why I started wearing baseball hats. They lessened the pain of a golf ball sized rock pelting me in the head.

This whole time of experiencing pain and humiliation grew and grew. Shit, I wish I could say that the bullying stopped at high school.

I joined the Navy. I wanted to serve my country. Too bad the military is full of roided out washed up football players who now have a chip on their shoulder. Or think of the people who were discriminated against in the early 80's and 90's. Three people come to mind who made me hate the Navy and wish they would fall overboard. BM1 Richard Blanding. This guy had to be the piss poorest example of a leader I've seen in the Navy. I guess because he was hazed and picked on by white guys when he first joined, it was his turn to return the favor. Guess who got the shittiest jobs on the ship? Yep, this poor timid white boy. Enter Chief Warrant Officer Ezell. He's the best example of reverse racism I've ever seen. He had his little pride and joy Seaman Hamilton. One day, Hamilton told me to "get the fuck out of my way" and I replied "Fuck off asshole". The next morning at Muster, CWO Ezell called me out in front of the whole department. He suspended my liberty for the entire visit to Bahrain and made me stand double watches each day. And then my final nemesis on the USS Cleveland.... Chief Warrant Officer Eugene Schlotterbeck. This guy was a flat out douche bag. He found every reason to torment me. He called me a fat ass, "Cantgetright", worthless excuse for a sailor. He did the same thing that Blanding did. He made me do the shittiest of jobs, work the longest hours, and endure the verbal onslaught day in and day out.

Those are the people that made my life hell. They are the ones who have shown me that the only way I can be is nice. I never got the chance to get revenge on them. I still want revenge. I've tried to shake the anger and rage that built up from the 6th grade on. It goes away most of the time. But then there are times like today (this post actually started last night), in which I can't shake it. I highly doubt the bullies remember any of these events. But I do. They are all scars on my heart and mind that weigh heavily every time the topic of bullies comes up. The shame I felt after one particularly bad experience with R.P. in which I drove home, grabbed a wooden baseball bat, drove back to school with every intention of finding him and bashing in his knees and ending whatever chances of playing football he had. How shameful I felt as I sat in my car and cried for the duration of 4th period, lunch, 5th period, and 6th period. nearly 4 hours I sat in my car. One minute enraged at the injustice. The next moment cloaked in self loathing that I had nearly stooped to his level. Going back and forth in the worst game of dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde I'd ever experienced.

Thankfully, I chose not to assault R.P.

Thankfully, I've learned that the only way to stop someone from being bullied is to stand up and do something. I fact, I now make it a point to stop whatever I'm doing when witnessing bullying in action and do it in a swift and powerful manner. I may get my ass handed to me while doing it. But I know that if someone just once would have stood up for me, I may have found the ability to stand up for myself.

And Thankfully, because of the pain I endured, I will emphasize being a kind, loving, and gentle Man to my son. I will ensure that he knows it is completely unacceptable to bully someone. I will expect him to be a gentleman. He will be Chivalrous, he will be kind, he will be loving, and he will stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. He will befriend those who just need a friend. Simply, He's just another Nice Guy in training.

American Chopper is a detriment to fatherhood

2011-10-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

I've been an avid fan and watcher of American Chopper since its inception over 5 years ago. I was fascinated with the imaginative bikes they created, intrigued by the dynamic of the father son relationship, and overall trainwreck that I saw on a weekly basis.

I started watching the show before I was a dad. And now that my son is almost 3 1/2 years old, I have a newfound appreciation to fatherhood. I've also had A LOT of time to reflect on my childhood and how my father interacted with me.

Last night I watched my final episode of American Chopper. The show now consists of 5% bike building and 95% Sr. and his cronies talking shit about Jr. All I see is Sr bad mouthing his sons on national television. All I see is the people working at OCC badmouthing Jr. and Sr. not only agreeing with those people, but adding onto what they are saying.

I understand father son relationships can be hard. I understand that there will be disagreements. I understand that sometimes a father and son will butt heads. However, the constant trashing of his sons on national television finally drove me over the edge last night. I just couldn't take it anymore.

All during the show I kept thinking to both my childhood and my adult life as a Dad. I thought about my first marraige and how my dad said he wouldn't come to my wedding because my grandma and aunt (his mom and sister) would be there. They had a falling out the previous year and so he refused to come to the wedding. He flat out said "I won't come because your aunt and grandma will be there". I asked "For your one and only son Dad? You won't come to the wedding?". His simple one word answer ended up being the most hurtful response he'd ever give me: "NO". I hung up and didn't talk to him for nearly 6 years.

Well, the first marriage didn't work out. That's fine. It wasn't meant to be.

Then, in 2006 I met the beautiful woman I'm married to now. They say the second shot at something is always better. Well, this second shot is wonderful and I'm loving every second being married to my wife and having three kids. BUT, the second wedding was coming up and I called my dad to invite him. Mind you, the wedding was in March. no hot weather, not hurricane like rains... just great weather. He can't handle the hot weather so I figured it would be no problem for him to come to it. But then again, that's what I get for figuring my dad would actually care.

His excuse this time for not coming? I can't make the drive. my rebuttal: Dad, I'll pay for your plane ticket. it's a 45 minute flight. Nope, no can do was the response. It's been nearly a year since I last talked to my dad and the wedding was 5 1/2 years ago. I tried making the relationship work over the phone and even driving up a couple times and visiting. It just didn't work out. I couldn't give anymore to the one way relationship between my father and I. Him being the parent should give 150% to the father son relationship. but I was always the one putting in the effort and getting nothing back.

SO, Siyonara American Chopper. So long Paul Sr. Because of your douchebag ways and pride, the relationship with your sons will never be a good one. You'll always have to be #1 and make sure you have the last word.

Here's the deal: Dads out there... It's not about being #1 or having the last word. It's not about being right or perfect. It's about being a Dad. It's about caring for your kids and setting aside your pride and petty differences and being there for your kids. Regardless of what their faith, personality, sexual orientation, or interests are. You love your kids, you don't say mean or hurtful things to them or about them. You love them 100%.

My son asked me a few weeks ago for a pink car. I couldn't find one at walmart but I've been looking online for the perfect pink car for him. I love him regardless of wanting a camo humvee or a pink mazda miata. I will love him whether he wants to be in gymnastics or wants to play football. I will love him if he wants to play the Clarinet or dance Ballet. I'll love him until my very last breath on this earth and nothing will ever change that. I'll never say a hurtful word to him and I'll help him as best as I can for him to realize his dreams. Why? Because that's what a real man and a real dad does.

Discovery Channel: Maybe instead of making a show that demonstrates a cruel hurtful relationship, you can find a father and son duo who love each other unconditionally and work together harmoniously. Make a show that doesn't have all the drama but all the love and successes of a father son relationship. When you do that, I'll come back to your channel.

Tell me, what do you wish your mom or dad had done for you that they never did?

The Nice Guy

Where were you? What did you think?

2011-09-10T22:31:00.000-07:00

This is another post that will be part Nice Guy part Sailor. I apologize if any foul language offends anyone.

Right now I'm a heinz 51 mix of emotions. Humble one moment, angry the next. Somber now, and ten minutes from now, seeing red and wanting vengeance. Last night motivated, this morning, holding back.

Let me bring you back ten years ago this evening. I was on the USS Cleveland returning from a 6 month deployment to the Persian Gulf. The sun had set, we were 4 days from arriving home to our friends and family, and in an overall very happy mood. The movie Pearl Harbor had just been released and we had the chance to watch it. We called it Movie at Sea. We opened the Hangar Bay on the flight deck, put up a huge white sheet, and watched movies. I sat with my mom and enjoyed the movie. I was appreciative that my mom was able to share being out at sea on a US Naval Warship with her only son. It was a beautiful evening in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

That was 12 hours before our Captain told us about the Attacks. It was the last peaceful/non war time freedom I had.

on the morning of September 11th, 2001, We were set to have an awards ceremony at 0800. Our Captain was always early. He was a great Commanding Officer. He took care of our crew. He wasn't this hoity toity officer who made people wait because he was the boss. He was the kind of officer that made sure his crew was happy. He was the kind who never kept us waiting just because he felt like it.

SO, on that morning, 0800 came and went.... 0830 came and went. Somewhere around 0840, the captain came on the 1MC (Ships loudspeaker). "Cleveland...." This was the first sign of something wrong. Whenever he spoke to the ship, he was always chipper and ALWAYS Said "Good Morning or Good Afternoon or Good evening"... Instead we got "Cleveland.... The awards ceremony will be cancelled this morning. There has been a terrorist attack in New York. I don't have many details right now, but the news is playing on the Mess Decks. Please make your way there. We're most likely going to get the most relevant information there in real time than what I'll get from my chain of command."

My initial reaction? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!?.... I walked to the Mess Decks and watched in horror as I saw two planes fly into the Twin Towers. I saw the people jumping to their deaths. I saw friends who had family back in NY go white in the face and try to reach their family. They had no luck since most of the phones were over capacity. I watched them worry themselves grey. They were in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and had NO WAY to know if their family was ok.

I watched the mood of the ship go from disbelief, to shock, to horror, to complete anger. As much as we wanted to go home to our families, at that point, there was only one thing that every sailor on that ship wanted.... They wanted the blood of the extremist radical pieces of shit spilled in every country that they belonged to. They wanted to inflict the most cruel, harmful, inhumane damage possible to those who caused this tragedy. I went from being the laid back, nice california guy to someone who couldn't wait to get behind my .50 cal Machine gun and make sure someone was on the receiving end of my fury.

I didn't care if there would be collateral damage. I wanted the whole god damn middle east turned into a glass parking lot. I wanted the radical fucks to be tortured until they shit themselves. I wanted them to endure so much pain that they would denounce their god and burn in hell. I wanted nothing more than to find one of them, throw them in a pig pen and have their bodies defiled by the swine in the pen with them. after that I wanted to find every last one of them, cut their eyelids out, and MAKE them watch naked women walk around. I WANTED them to know that their "Heaven" that they so desperately wanted was now wretched out of their possession. I wanted them to feel an ounce of the pain that over 3000 families felt that day.

Do I still feel that way? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I DO! But now, I want them to feel the pain that over 10,000 familes feel every day. If you're here after reading my Bio on twitter, Yes, James 3 is my favorite book in the bible. YES, I do believe in forgiveness. But even now ten years later, I cannot forgive those who inflicted so much pain, loss, and fear into our nation. Even with OBL killed, Even with Saddam killed, I don't feel a sense of relief or retribution. I can only hope that their "GOD" is a false god and they do spend eternity in a lake of fire. I hope that their 40 virgins are Madelin Albright, Nancy Pelosi, and Hillary Clinton. Hell, I hope one of the other virgins is Strom Thurman while we're at it.

Is this post WAY out of the norm on this blog? Yes. Do I apologize for the way I feel? NO.

For the following three years after 9/11, I was in a constant state of alertness. I was in a constant state of not knowing if another attack would happen. I was in a constant state of feeling as if the last time I saw my family would be when I went home on leave. I was in a constant state of anger because our country didn't deserve this. I was in a constant state of sorrow for the familes that lost loved ones. and over the past ten years, I've constantly thought of every family who loses a soldier, sailor, and airman because of the war that was a result of 9/11.

Yesterday morning, one of my friends on FB shared this audio clip. To say that the anger I felt ten years ago welled back up within me would be an understatement. Now All I wish for is that countries that still harbor terrorists would be turned into a big glass parking lot, Donald trump buys it, turns it into a big whorehouse with a moat filled with pigs.

I tried to swallow all these feelings over the past week. But I just can't anymore. I've already heard too many times "Why do we have to care about what happened ten years ago?" I was only in junior high when that happened, I don't care." and the absolute most ignorant statement I've heard this week: "I think that spending a day remembering 9/11 is a waste and an interruption to football". Really???? To those people I say this... The only reason why I don't beat the ever loving dog shit out of you right now is because it's illegal. even then, it's almost worth it.

Lets hope an pray that an event like 9/11 doesn't happen again, and we don't have a memorial for such an atrocious event like this in our future.

Signed

The cranky, angry, sailor (but still Nice Guy)

why 9/11/11 has an ever increasing role in America

2011-09-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

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This is a warning for those with sensitive ears and eyes. I'm not writing today as the "Nice Guy". I'm writing as the Navy Veteran who served during Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom. If you are easily offended.. you might still want to read on. If you are proud to be an American, share this post with everyone you can. I hope this might wake people up just a little bit.

We're still 8 days away from the ten year mark of 9/11/2001. I don't think it should be called an Anniversary per se because ten years ago our nation experienced the most horrendous attacks our nation has ever seen.

As with other national holidays, Memorial Day, Veterans day, and 9/11, people take it more of off from work than realizing those who made the day off possible. I'm the kind of man who isn't ashamed to cry openly when I hear the National Anthem, God Bless the USA, and Taps. Every year for the past 11 years, on those days I weep openly, genuinely, and with a heavy heart. and Sadly every year I end up back at home with my blood boiling.

Why? Because for each person I hear say "God Bless our troops", I hear "WOOHOO Let's go get drunk!". I often hear it from ignorant college students who have no idea what it takes to make these holidays possible. OR, I hear it from adults who should know better but don't know or don't care. When I hear people talk like this or god forbid they choose to protest at a cemetary, all I want to do is walk over to them and punch them in the face.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs right in their face "Men and Women have died for the past 200 years for your right to be fucking stupid and disrespectful. I fought for 4 years for your right to "freedom of speech". I spent holidays away from my family, friends, and loved ones. There are families now who have an empty chair permanently at their table for the rest of their lives. All for your right to party hard or protest against them."

So on 9/11/2011, 11/11/11 (Veterans Day), and Memorial Day, please listen to me when I say this... IF you don't understand WHY we have these holidays, don't appreciate WHY we have these holidays, don't understand WHO gave up their life for these holidays, don't know the families of those who gave everything to have these holidays, or just DON'T care WHY we have these holidays, do me this favor: Pack your shit, pack your family, and get the FUCK out of my country. If you won't stand behind our troops, PLEASE OH PLEASE, Stand in front of them so you take the bullet or IED hit... not them. IF you appreciate the freedom of speech but don't appreciate that freedom, do one of two things; Shut your damn mouth or MOVE to a country other than ours.

Remember, living in this country is a right. Not a privilege. If you live in this great nation, then stand up, take off your hat, cover your heart and say the pledge of Allegiance, sing the national anthem, and be QUIET when you hear Taps. This isn't the United States of America and mexico and canada and europe and asia. When you live here, there is but ONE flag you pledge allegiance to. It's the flag that drapes over every casket of every american who has given their life for this country. If you want to fly a different flag, take it to the country it came from because it doesn't belong here.

Bottom line.... If you get the benefits of living in this great nation, show some damn appreciation for it or get the fuck out of our country.

Sincerely,

The Nice Guy/ Navy Veteran 2000-2004

#peopleofwalmart UGH

2011-09-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

Have you ever watched the show "What would you do?" Hosted by John Quinones on ABC?

Today, I found myself in a situation just like one of their scenarios.

I had to run to Walmart to pick up a few items for the house. I should have turned around when I first walked in realizing it was the 1st and it would be PACKED full of people who were cranky and in their pajamas at 2 in the afternoon.

Instead, I trudged on and got 6 of the 7 items I needed. Then I headed towards the health and beauty section to get some shaving cream. That's when the trouble started. from at least 50 ft away, I hear this lady yelling at her child. Saying things that would make a sailor blush. The little girl was maybe 7 or 8 years old.

I slow down and watch and listen. The gist I got was that the little girl needed to go to the bathroom and kept asking her mom to take her there. Apparently, the mom was more interested in finding the right shampoo and conditioner for her hair than listen to her kid complain that she needed to pee. Well, I guess the mom took too long and the little girl wet herself.

This is when the mom had an full on nuclear explosion. She mad her daughter get out of the cart and starting yelling for everyone to hear "Look at this kid... She chose to pee her pants in the middle of the store. I think everyone should come and look and make fun of her. Maybe she won't do it again next time!"

Right at that moment the little girl looked up at me through miles and miles of tears. expecting more and more people to look at her with judgemental eyes and receive more ridicule from the people that were congregating. In that moment, I thought about every single time people made fun of me in school and the kid who was bullied who is now and adult decided to stand up for the underdog.

I walked over to the mom and politely said "Ma'am, can I talk to you for a second?" she responded... well, shouted "WHAT, Do you think I'm a bad mom for doing this?" I replied "Your daughter had been asking you to take her to the bathroom and you chose not to. I have a three year old. when he says he needs to pee, I take him right then and there. You see how much you are hurting your daughter right now? She's balling her eyes out and is probably feeling about the size of an ant. Please, for her sake knock it off, take her to the bathroom to clean up, and apologize"

Apparently, what she heard was "You're a douchebag who doesn't deserve to be a parent"... well... That's what I was THINKING. She started yelling at me, then back at her daughter more about how she was so embarrassed because of her daughter now. How she would be "handled by papa when they got home", and how she was going to go buy her diapers since she wasn't grown up enough to wear underwear anymore.

This is when I had enough. I told the lady I was going to stand between her and her daughter until a manager had come over to talk to the lady and that she needed to not talk to her daughter anymore until either the manager, cops, or CPS showed up. So as I'm waiting for a manager to show up, other ADULTS start coming over to ME and saying "dude, mind your own business" and "This isn't your fight or your child, leave it alone".

I was dumbfounded. How could OTHER adults allow this to happen? Is it easier for them to ignore it and say "Glad it's not me"? Is it easier for them to just blame it on the child and say "Mom must just be stressed and her daughter drove her over the edge?

At this point, I knew it was a battle I was going to lose. Too many jaded adults who sided with Mom and not the child. I was able to back the mom away enough and then turn around and squat down and tell the little girl "I hope you are ok. IF this is the normal way of life at your house, tell a teacher at school. You don't deserve what your mommy is doing. God Loves you, I've never met you before and I care about you. Tell your teachers so they can help you ok?"

God I've never felt so helpless before. What more could I have done? Called CPS myself? Called the cops?

I felt that childs' pain to the core of my soul. I quickly grabbed my cart and checked out all the while choking back years' worth of tears for the pain I felt when I was bullied by classmates. I went to my car and sat there for a while and just cried and prayed for that little girl.

I remembered reading a chapter in the book "Real Dad Rules" by Dan Pearce. It was called "Real Dads speak softly and with kind words". I thought about his post "Congratulations, you just broke your child".

I thought about Dan while all this was happening. I took away from this that not just Real Dads, but REAL PARENTS don't berate their children. Real parents don't make their kids feel insignificant. Real parents LOVE their kids and shower them with kindness and compassion.

I'm still struggling with myself over whether I should have stayed and called the cops or CPS. Should I have stood by that little girls' side and risked her safety to stand up to her mom (and eventually "Papa")? I'll wrestle with this trouble for a while to come. Go hug your kids, Go show them you love them more than anything in the world. Tell them you love them. Kiss them in public (that's a good kind of embarrassment), lif t them up and help them be the best they can be.

I'm off to shower my son with love.

The Nice Guy

Meet Hank Yuloff

2011-08-29T12:46:00.000-07:00

I don't quite remember HOW I crossed paths with Hank. I can't tell you how many people I've connected with since meeting Hank. BUT, I can tell you that he's one helluva guy, and in terms of "connectors" for people, he's the best I've seen so far.

You see, I'm a salesman. My job is to talk, talk, talk, and talk some more. Of course, I have to listen to clients before I can talk. BUT, as a salesman, I was always taught to always find a way to sell the product I was pitching.

And then enters Hank. And he's blown that whole theory out of the water for me. Every day of Every week on Facebook, he finds someone who needs something from someone else he knows. Sounds kinda vague right? Well, he's done it so regularly that's really the best way to explain it.

While I've never met Hank face to face, I can't wait for the time that we do. He's got a hilarious personality, is always looking for ways to HELP others, and because of this, he's doing very well for himself.

It's called Relational Equity. Hank understands that. When you invest in others, spend time getting to know them, and pay attention to what their needs are... You end up being very successful and having MANY MANY people around you who WANT you around.

Hank's one of those guys.... I always smile when I see him post because I know he'll either be sharing a success story from someone he knows, or helping someone get what they need.

I HIGHLY suggest taking a moment and sending him a friend request on Facebook HERE, then going to one or all of his sites. qrcroi.com which helps people learn about QR Codes. LearnToPark.com which lets people vent and buy large orange post its to put on badly parked cars. My Promotional Product business promotionallyminded.com and my SendOutCards business cardsbyhank.com

Yeah yeah yeah lots of links I know. BUT, Lemme tell ya... Hank is a guy who understands relationships. He understands helping people. Take a minute to get to know him. I promise it will be worth your time!

The Nice Guy

Is it Christmas yet?

2011-08-09T00:02:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that the "Holiday Spirit" only lasts until a few days after Christmas? Why can't the charitable behaviors that are so prevalent during the holidays continue year round?

I've been asking myself this question for the past few weeks. I drive to the town north of me once or twice a week depending on my needs. in this little 30 mile stretch of Freeway, I see more people being rude than kind.

This past week has reminded me that we take things just a tad too serious, and often forget about the things that matter. The funny part of this whole concept was that 5 years ago, I would have been the jackass cutting every person off trying to get to my destination with no concern about others.

In the past week, I've seen more middle fingers than cars, and more harsh words thrown around than on a Navy ship. I've seen more people cut off going 80 MPH than I can even count. Maybe it's the heat that us Northern Californians experience every summer? Maybe the economy has taken every last ounce of patience we have and thrown it out the window (literally and figuratively).

Maybe our society has become so caught up with "What about me??!!" than "what about my fellow human beings". Maybe we've become so accustomed to having things instantly, we no longer appreciate delayed gratification? Maybe people have forgotten the simple concept of a Random Act of Kindness?

As I set the cruise control to 70 on the freeway each time I trek up north, I see so many tailgating, cutting each other off, flipping each other off, and every other rude action that could be taken while driving, I thank God that I've been fortunate enough to realize that life isn't about the destination. It's about the journey. I shouldn't be focused on the finish line, but the beautiful flowers along the path and the person on that path with me.

As August hits us with full force, I ache for the holidays to get here. I ache for the kindness, charity, open arms, and patience that many people seem to suddenly remember. Maybe I'm naive to think that this "holiday kindness" could last year round. Maybe in a world full of fast paced madness, I'm able to stop and appreciate being stuck behind a semi going 55. Maybe I'm the person who would rather be late than never there. I do know that I don't want to be the dad looking down from above because I was too rushed to get somewhere. I want to get to the party on earth, but not upstairs just yet.

If by chance you are reading this, think about that wreckless driving maneuver you are about to make. Think about the mom and dad with their child in the backseat. Think about how that child would feel if they suddenly didn't have mommy and daddy around for the rest of their lives. Think about that person you see walking down the street who might be homeless. Is it really too much to simply stop somewhere and grab them a meal? Think about how you feel during the holidays, and keep that spirit year round. We are all capable of love greater than we can fathom. Why not share some of it with others that might need it?

Yes, this is August, but for me and my family, we're going to let everyone know we think it's Christmas time!

Bittersweet Fathers Day

2011-06-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was father's day. A day where children are supposed to tell their dad's that they love them, and Fathers are supposed to kick their feet up and enjoy being a Padre. My son told me "happy fathers day daddy" right when I woke up. It's probably one of the best feelings in the world. I however, didn't call my dad and wish him a happy fathers day.

I pondered this all day. It's not like I forgot. I actively chose not to call my dad. even at age 29, the wounds and hurt of childhood still find their way to the surface. the words "I won't come to your soccer games because I don't like soccer" still sting with white hot intensity. The High School graduation that you missed still upsets me to this day. The wedding you missed, the birth of your only grandchild still upsets me. I don't think any amount of time or apologies can ever heal those wounds that I feel.

Last night, my son woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. As I held him and rocked him back to sleep, I wondered if you would have done that with me, or just stayed in bed while my mom got up and took care of things. I wonder if I would have taken priority in your life like I do with my son. I wonder if on Fathers Day, you would have put aside your wants and needs and played with me. That's what I did. While I still had work that needed to be done, I put it on pause to play with my son.

I had a lot of chances yesterday to do things with my son that I don't think you ever did with me. Every time I did something with my son, I cherished every second of it and prayed for God to slow down time so I could enjoy it that much more. I wonder if had you been in that same spot, if you would have prayed for time to hurry up.

I learned many things from my dad. most of which are the ways a Dad shouldn't behave. I learned what abandonment and irresponsibility does to a young child.... especially a son. I learned that there are just some topics that a Father should talk about and teach his son. A son shouldn't have to learn to shave on his own or tie a tie on his own. A son shouldn't have to learn on the fly what Chivalry is. It should be taught from the beginning of his life. Every time his dad has the chance, he should open a door for a lady, pull her chair out for her, walk on the outside of the street to protect his lady. A son should NEVER have to refer to his mom as his "Fadre" (Father&Madre) like I have.

Because my dad wasn't there, I've learned that my only option as a DAD is to ALWAYS be there for my kids.

#followfriday AWESOME finds this week!

2011-06-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

Over the past two weeks, I've FINALLY gotten back into twitter. And lemme tell ya I couldn't have chosen a better time. If you've ever been involved with a tweet chat, I think there are a few that you NEED to be at.

1) is a relatively new chat (or at least that I know of) and that's the #CMchat each monday evening. It's hosted by @Jessicanorthey. She's smart, beautiful, witty, and QUICK with the keyboard. It's not easy running a chat and she does it flawlessly.

Next is Tuesdays chats: First is #linkedinchat and then #getrealchat by @stevecassady. These two chats get going QUICK! The info that's shelled out in these chats has my fingers and computer begging for mercy after two hours of fast and furious tweeting. BUT, the party doesn't stop there. It gets even better and even fast when we transition to #SMmanners hosted by @dabneyporte. To use one of Dabneys words.. She and the chat are absolutely FABULOUS! I've been participating in #SMmanners for quite a while now. I had to take a leave for 6 months as I had obligations within the Elks Lodge to take care of. BUT, I'm back and this chat is better than ever. I honestly learn so much from the #tuesdaytrilogy of chats, that I have to stop after those three to let my hands and brain take a breather.

Next is the #slumberparty chat again hosted by @dabneyporte. This is the most enjoyable chat that doesn't have anything to do with business. It's a scavenger hunt that a sponsor is called in for each week. People get familiar with the sponsors website, and then the fun begins. BUT, for me, it's the meeting of hundreds of new and also familiar faces each week. I can't deny the power of this chat for sponsors either. It's a fun and competitive chat that makes one hour disappear in no time flat.

SO, here are people that I've met over the past two weeks who have blown my mind, and I think they will blow yours too.

@Stevecassady. He's a REALLY nice guy, shares his knowledge with anyone who wants to absorb it, and this guy truly understands all of social media. My online life has improved greatly since meeting him.

@mamabritt is another person I've found. I found out about her via @dabneyporte. These ladies are starting a gig to bring the magnificence of strong, independent, incredibly intelligent, incredibly beautiful, determined women together in one place. Look out for both of these ladies. If you aren't following or a fan or a friend, I promise you that you are missing out. Add Value you ask? These ladies don't just add value to Social Media or to their followers, they make an impact to those both near and far from them. I'm probably over 500 miles to the north from Mamabritt, and Dabney's all the way on the east coast. But their reach knows no limits of time and distance. They are like the sun. Ever shining so brightly and making the lives of those around them sunnier with every word.

The next is @Janetcallaway. I've blogged abour her before. I am just enamored with how wonderfully she uses social media. She isn't here to sell, she's here to add to the conversation and form relationships. Her blog is simply awesome and I could spend hours reading her posts and those who comment on her page. I also love that she replies to every comment and starts it with "Aloha". It just makes me smile when I see her type that word.

And Lastly I have @milesaustin. I only found out about Miles on Tuesday. 48 hours after his involvement with the #smmanners chat, and I swear to god If I were a female, I'd be loving all over him because of the tools he shared during the chat. So many great quality tools that I was up until 4am when the chat got over at 8pm PST. Yeah so good i ended up getting one hour of sleep because I was so amazed at the tools he shared with all of us.

Go follow all of these people NOW! They are influencers and are all incredible people. NO ashton/demi/ellen/oprah type twitter profiles either. these people respond and do it quick! They get Social Media, and all have enriched my life for the greater; both short term, and long term.

Thank you everyone for being so damn awesome!

I'm a fan of America. #nablopomo

2011-06-09T17:58:00.000-07:00

"What makes America unique as a nation?"

This question was posed by the Red Bluff Daily News in our town. Here's my answer in 250 words or less.

The fact that we as a nation are in reality a nation of immigrants instantly makes us unique. Every creed, every religion, and every race is represented as America. What started as a group of people looking to get away from religious persecution led to a nation that is now a super power in the world. While in reality, we are a baby nation in comparison to those like Japan, China, England, Spain, Italy, and many others in Europe and Asia.

Many other countries force high school graduates to go into the military. While our country gives the option to go straight to work, college, military, or any other destination an 18 year old desires. While many other countries have one religion, we have them all. While other countries insist on practicing one and only one religion, our 1st Amendment gives the freedom to choose any religion.

Many other countries are known for one kind of dish. Here in the states however, we have deep dish pizza in Chicago, creole in the south, mexican food in the southwest, seafood in the northwest, alligator burgers in Florida, and about a million other choices for food. We don't have a "national dish" we have a heinz 57 mix of national dishes.

But for me, the absolute one thing that differentiates us as Americans, and us as a nation, is our Armed Forces, and those who support them. For without our military, all of the aforementioned qualities that was have wouldn't be possible. We support our troops, we have Memorial Day, we have Veterans Day. I don't know of any other nation that celebrates our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Veterans as much as we do. For that one reason, we are the most unique, and for that, I am PROUD to be a Veteran, and even prouder to call myself an American.

I'm a fan of #SMmanners (most of the time)

2011-06-08T10:59:00.000-07:00

OK, the post is a little misleading. In all honesty, I LOVE #SMmanners totally and completely. However, there comes a time when the rules need to be thrown out. About two years ago, I had such an example of when I put my reputation on the line in support of another human being who was under pressure from another user on twitter.

There was a mom blogger who was also a military spouse. As a parent, our biggest fear has always, and will always be losing one of our children. This mom blogger had been out tweeting during the day with her kids and taking pictures of the forest, ducks, and everything in between. However, there was a silence for a couple hours and then an update that stopped me in my tracks. "Just found 2 yr old in the pool, on our way to ER, please pray". My heart sank for someone I had never met in real life but had interacted with numerous times online.

And so the support for her poured in. God was inundated with prayers from people all around the world. AND THEN, the most horrible and unimaginable thing happened. Someone went on the offensive and said "we need to verify that this isn't a scam. Don't send money until it's verified". This was just the beginning unfortunately. Further tweets and blog posts said "if she hadn't been tweeting, this child would still be alive". Up until that remark, I had kept my mouth shut and minded my manners. This was the straw that broke the camels back.

The business man in me said "keep your mouth shut and mind your own business". The man, father, husband, Navy Vet, and proud American in me shouted "KICK HER ASS SEABASS". Needless to say, the business man was locked in the basement. I started a twitter war of words with this woman. I threw all caution to the wind and did what was right. I stood up for a woman who was grieving, and was now being attacked by the one tooth wonder. (By the way, I'm doing my best to keep this as PG as possible, but even after almost two years, my blood still boils thinking about it)

Yes, I cursed, spoke like a sailor, probably offended a large portion of my following with my language and vulgarity. But the most important thing about the whole situation is I did was was right. I've always loved the saying "What may be popular may not be right, and what may be right may not be popular". In this instance, I've been told I was simply saying what everyone else didn't have the courage to say. Which is fine by me. Hell, I've been known to hop into battles and ruin my own reputation to defend others. Why did my reputation get damaged? EH who knows. Maybe it was my means to an end (read talking and acting like a sailor). Which in northern california is often frowned upon. That's another post.

In the end, I received many thanks from other mom bloggers (while also seeing my follower count dwindle). However, a few lessons were learned during this whole ordeal. I can be a best friend, or a worst enemy. I don't relish battle one bit, but I know it's a reality. It was my reality for 4 years in the Navy from 2000-2004.

Did I break every Social Media Manner in the rule book? I'm pretty sure I did. Did I meet some wonderful people in the process? You bet. Did I lose over half the people that followed me? Yes. Was it worth it? OH YEAH. I asked myself the question before I engaged in twitter war "Is this juice worth the squeeze? Will it damage my online presence in the process? The answer to both questions was Yes. But ultimately, That juice was worth the squeeze.

And lastly, the one thing that has come up in conversation over the past couple months is just how many people saw what I did, and subsequently followed me. Those same people have become friends, allies, business partners, and confidantes. I'm the one willing to take the heat when the situation calls for it. I'm the friend who answers the phone at 3 in the morning to pick you up if you had too much to drink. I'm the one who drops what I'm doing to help out those in need. This in the end, was worth more to most people than what others deemed as having poor social media manners.

Has there ever been a time where you had to throw manners aside to stop a thorn in your side or someone else's? If you saw the battle that happened then, what were your thoughts? Was I right or should I have kept my mouth shut? Looking forward to your responses!

I'm a fan of Local Celebrities

2011-06-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

My definition of a "local Celebrity" is someone who is a rockstar within the community. Fundraising, awareness for causes, advocates, community organizers. These are the people that really make the world go round here in Northern California. Some of the people I'm going to write about have raised over $10,000 in one weekend alone by getting donations of $1, $5, and $10.

They've made a difference to me and the community in which I live. Some have raised money for the poor, others for Veterans, and Women's shelters. These three alone are the most near and dear to my heart. Therefore, These people are not only "Local celebrities" to me, but are local heroes.

First up is Charlee Thompson. She's in the Army, a part of the Honor Guard, a HUGE advocate for veterans, and is an all around really cool woman. Every event I've attended in Shasta County in relation to Veterans has included seeing Charlee involved in some fashion. Her energy is infections, Intelligence in humbling, and has a smile that could disarm even the most angry world leaders. I consider it an honor to have met her and chatted with her on numerous occasions. And in my eyes the coolest thing she does is "Christmas For The Troops". She gets donations from places all over northern california and then sends off care packages to troops all around the world. Now, I don't know if it was the same group, but I received one of these care packages when I was on deployment in 2001. Let me tell you... Getting a package from a complete stranger or group of people who have never met me but support me from half way around the world.. That's incredible. I can't even put into words how much it means when something like that happens.

Next is Tad Shackles. He's a local DJ that does SO MANY great things in the area. Of course, that isn't his real name, but he threatened to start calling me "Nugget" (long story... another blog post) if I used his real name. Anyhoo... Tad had done the local version of "Dancing with the stars" and raised a TON of money. All of this was to benefit the Shasta Womens' Refuge. In an effort to raise as much money as possible, he actually spent almost 3 days on the top of a parking garage to raise money. All in all, he raised almost $13,000 in three days, and I believe around $20,000 in total. He's done countless other things as well. Including raising money for the Redding Soroptimists and he won the Mardi Gras King prize. He also won by raising money, selling tickets, and getting votes. Below are the photos of him on DWTS and as the Mardi Gras King.P.A.T.H - Poor And The Homeless of Tehama County. The amount of work that they have done in our little community to help the less fortunate is truly awe inspiring. They give of their time and energy in so many ways that it always inspires me to find ways to get involved. If you have a few bucks to spare, you can go to their website and donate HERE. Dave and Nancy are heroes to me and to our community!

While I'm at it, there's one other person that I consider to be such an amazing guy. His name is Tommy Corey. He's the creator of The Self Worth Project. He's kind, funny, and has an amazing heart. The images he takes and shares can bring tears to your eyes, make you smile, contemplate your life, think twice about the words you may direct towards another person, and help you realize that YOU are beautiful on the inside and out. He's an inspiration to me, and as of last count, about 9,334 others (fans on his fan page).

These are all people who are not only making a difference locally, but as far as their arms, heart, and love will allow them. They are all amazing people who I think are Heroes in my community.

I'm a Fan of sunshine!

2011-06-04T11:58:00.000-07:00

Right now, it's June in Red Bluff.. June the 4th to be exact. Normally, we are experiencing 90 degree weather with beautiful sunshine, kids playing outside, me doing yardwork, BBQ's burning in every back yard, beers being cracked open, and smiles all around.

However, We don't have that. There is no sunshine, it's raining, and I'm experiencing levels of pissed offness that I've never experienced before (thank you Ron White for that line). I normally don't mind being behind the computer all day (working or playing), but this is getting out of hand!

SO, if there is anyone who reads this blog who is a PA, RN, MD, FNP... Can you please prescribe Mother Nature some Abilify, Prozac, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, Lexapro... ANYTHING that will make this lady level out and give me some sunshine? I really don't care about global warming at this point. Melt the icecaps! Fill the oceans! JUST GIVE ME MY DAMN SUNSHINE!

OK, Rant over. If you've never heard of Ron White, here's a clip of this hilarious redneck!

NaBloPoMo #FF

2011-06-02T14:42:00.000-07:00

Heh, look at me being all smart and killing two birds with one stone!

So today, being a #followfriday day on twitter, and since I REALLY hate the #ff with 50 @'s in one tweet I prefer going into detail WHY I think people should follow others. And I guess by default if I am sending out a #ff suggestion, then I'm a fan of them too! Yeah that works :)

SO, first blogger I'm going to mention is a woman I just found a couple weeks ago. And since I found her blog, I've become an instant fan! Her name is Janet Callaway. Her blog is The Natural Networker. She is quick to respond to comments on her blog (which I LOVE), and they aren't simple "thank yous" either. They are genuine complete responses which really encourage people to come back. I've chatted with her a few times on Twitter, and I'm hooked on her blog. She's good people, and I love how she writes. I'll be a fan of hers for a long time coming!

Next two are a few mommy bloggers who I adore, and I often end up spitting soda on my keyboard when chatting with them. quick, smart, witty, and totally cool ladies.

First is Shan from Shans Last Shreds of Sanity. Shan is a kick in the pants. I've spoken to her on the phone numerous occasions. She loves her daughter, she loves her hubby, and WOW, she's one helluva designer! She's coached me and a few friends on how to do design work... the migration from blogger to wordpress is imminent, and I wouldn't be able to do it without her help. She's top notch quality people, and I'm lucky to know her. YOU would be lucky to know her too!

Next is Kim from Mentally Inked. I met kim via an *ahem* twitter beef between mom bloggers and "another person"... we'll just leave it at that. She's a fierce ally, and a VERY scary opponent. Thank God I'm on her good side! But that was just the beginning. I fell in love with her blog the moment I saw it. First off, I'm a fan of tattoos and so the name of the blog caught my eye right from the get go. then her content just sucked me in that much more. She's a helluva writer, and she understands social media. She engages and chats with everyone who talks to her. Yeah, Kim is good people and I always smile when I see that there is a new blog post to read.

And the last Mommy Blogger I want to mention is Gena from Fairy Tales and Puppy Dog Tails
I met Gena the same way I met Kim. Same story here too :). She writes about deep subjects and silly subjects and it all revolves around parenting. Her blog is kinda like my crib sheet to parenting. I've got two stepkids who are 17 and 13 and a son who is 3. While my wife has experience raising kids, I'm still a greenhorn after three years. Her insights certainly help me to kinda expect what to do in the future. She's got 5 kids so she KNOWS how to be a parent. She's a blast to converse with on Twitter and FB.

For the three ladies I just mentioned, I think all Mommy Bloggers... scratch that... ALL parental bloggers could take some pointers from these ladies.

And the last person I want to mention is Rob Cairns from RobertbCairns.com. Rob is another person that I have the utmost respect for. He is also a designer, blogger, and all around awesome guy. We met via #SMmanners hosted by Dabney Porte. Lemme tell ya.. Rob knows his stuff. In addition to knowing about design, he's a wealth of information about technology. I've paid close attention to his posts about technology and followed his suggestions. They haven't led me astray and they've kept my computer safe and sound.

So that's my #followfriday for this week. Since I'm going to be blogging all month long, I am setting aside fridays for this exact thing and I'm gunna be sharing some really cool people over the next 4 weeks. If you've interacted with any of the people mentioned, tell me why you are a fan of them! Have a GREAT weekend, and I'll see all of you tomorrow.

The Nice Guy

Be a Fan of your family!

2011-06-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

June 2nd and NaBloPoMo is really getting me into the mindset of finding something to blog about each day. Today, I am a Fan of my Family. Today also happens to be my son's third birthday.

You see, so often in today's world, I see parents forgetting to be the biggest cheerleader for their kids. I'm guilty of that on more than one occasion. I'm guilty of being upset that our 13 year old comes into the house with muddy pants instead of telling him I'm glad he went outside to the creek instead of playing his xbox. I'm guilty of coming down hard on our 17 year old when she doesn't do chores instead of telling her I'm proud as hell that she's sporting such good grades. I'm guilty as well of wishing my three year old would be quiet for just 5 minutes instead of praising him for picking up so many words so quick now a days. I'm also guilty of not showing appreciation to my wife for being such a wonderful woman. I forget to say thank you, I forget to say please, and I forget to tell her how proud I am of her for really kicking ass in school and working towards her degree.

SO, with all of that being said, It's time for me and all of you to remember this: Our family is the most dear thing in our lives. It's time for us to quit bickering about little things, and spend more time smiling, living, loving, and laughing. It's time to be a fan of Family Game Night... No matter how tired we are. It's amazing how much morale in a household can improve by just spending one night playing games together. It's time to become a fan of having dinner together instead of getting fast food and everyone vanishing to their room to snarf down food. It's time to become the family that eats together, plays together, solves problems together, and start thinking about US instead of ME.

What are ways that you (and I) can become better fans of our loved ones?

NaBloPoMo... huh?!?!

2011-06-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

That's what I said! My friend Shan from Last Shreds Of Sanity shared a link on her FB page about the NaBloPoMo... I said WTF?!?! LOL. Bless you! Come to find out it's the National Blog Posting Month. Pretty cool idea really. Write a blog a day for a month and hopefully get into the swing of everything. Ok, I can do that. Now what to write about.. While I figure that out, watch this:

OK, Idea is here. This month the theme is about Fans. I assumed not the kind that blow all my papers off the desk, but the kind that like things (sports, art, wines & beer, cars, etc). So with that, Here are the fans I'm going to talk about today:

The kind that SUCK! What I mean are the fans that ruin it for everyone else. This is moreso in youth sports than pro sports, but they still suck. You know them.. the soccer mom with the shrill scream of "Kick him in the balls!" kind. The football dad with a keystone light or a natty ice in his hand screaming "C'mon ref, if you had another eye you'd be a cyclops". <--- Yeah I've heard that one before. While it was funny, it wasn't the right venue. And then my all time favorite fan... The micromanager/questioner/bitcher/complainer/lazyass who want's to tell the coach everything he or she is doing wrong. Yeah, I LUV those people.

Here's all I'm gunna say on this topic about those "Fans". Please, for the love of God and all things that are holy... SHUT UP! Let those of us who can control our mouths and bodies enjoy the game and watching the kids play. Because the next time you can't control yourself, maybe my roll of duct tape will help you at least keep your mouth shut.

OK, Rant over. Fun fans to talk about tomorrow!

Happy Memorial Day!

2011-05-29T18:06:00.000-07:00

This time of year is often a somber day for me. It's filled with a plethora of emotions; pride, joy, sorrow, happiness, camaraderie, thankful, grateful. Sadly, it's also one of the days that tends to rub me wrong in some of the worst ways. I am reminded that I spent 4 years of my life away from friends, family, and familiar parts of Northern California in order for others to be blissfully ignorant of how good they really have it.

So what prompted me to write today? those same people who are blissfully ignorant of what has been sacrificed for their ability to party hard on Memorial Day. See, I had to run to Walmart earlier today and while I was there, I heard 5 different conversations. All of which included "Man, we are going to be so F*&^ing wasted tomorrow!". All the while PRAYING that I would hear one of them say "Just remember, we get to party because there are men and women who have given their lives for our right to have fun". Alas, I heard no such thing.

I have to be honest, I wanted to go slap the shit out of them and teach them a little bit about respect. They reminded me of the disrespectful punks who keep talking during the National Anthem, or who refuse to say the Pledge of Allegiance, or who refuse to remove their hat or cover their heart while the Pledge or the National Anthem are being performed.

The other thing that chaps my ass is when I hear about celebrities condemning our troops fighting a war half way around the world. They are a different kind of beast of which have a special place reserved in hell... along with attorneys. But then, there is a glimmer of hope in the video below that helps me realize that there are great musicians who care about our troops and do what they can to support them. Gene Simmons, You sir are awesome! Enjoy the video!

After you watched this, please take one moment to just say a simple prayer or take a moment of silence to honor those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for our right to be a free country. God Bless America!!!

The Self Worth Project revisited

2011-05-23T00:08:00.000-07:00

I've blogged before about The Self Worth Project.... Today, I finally came up with what my words would be.

Next month, my son turns 3. I just spent 4 days away from my family at the Elks State Convention, and being away from my wife and son was honestly one of the most un funnest things I've ever done. Yes, I had fun meeting fellow Elks, yes I learned a ton of things, and had a great time. However, nothing compares to giving my son a kiss before he goes to bed, and hearing him say "Daddy, I wake up" in the mornings. I never realized just how much I take that for granted each day.

I just started reading "Real Dad Rules" by Dan Pierce who writes Single Dad Laughing. So far, I've laughed, cried, and realized just how lucky I am to be a dad. If you have ten bucks, go buy the digital version of the book. if you have 15 dollars, order the hard copy. So, between, reading SDL, being gone from family, and being a fan of the self worth project, I finally landed on what my words would be.

on the right arm would be "Absent father" and on the left arm "Super Dad". As I said in a previous post, I once told my dad "I will be a better father than you because I learned so many ways NOT to be a dad". While I still feel those words were harsh, they were true. So, Hopefully Tommy Corey of the Self Worth Project can meet with me soon and I can share with everyone my words and photo.

What would your word or words be?

Politics and sports

2011-05-15T18:39:00.000-07:00

I posted this remark and question on Facebook today:

from all the updates I've seen today about parents in RB who had kids who got nto the football team. I'm curious how many DIDN'T make the team. last time I heard, there were around 150 kids who didn't make it... Hey Jr. Spartans.... Time for an A&B team set up?

It reminded me of baseball tryouts and how some kids got on teams that were stacked and other teams were a case of the bad news bears... and even how some kids were picked to move up and others weren't. I remember time after time of going to tryouts and doing very well. I had practiced for hours each week during the off season and was determined to be the best player I could be. Oh how naive I was then....

It also reminded me of High School soccer tryouts. kind of similar story... The coach had his favorites... I ran a faster mile and a half, I was quicker at the 40 meter dash, I was able to jump higher, and easily defended more shots on goal. This was my freshman year. I didn't make the team. chalk it up to politics and favoritism and not wanting to be on the rookie. I get it.

Sophomore year, same story. exchange student from Brazil and a new coach and wanted to make it look good having a foreign exchange student. He reminded me of Jorge Campos. Flashy goalie, but not effective at actually keeping the ball from going in the net.

Junior year... same coach, but one of his sons was trying out... who was 6 inches shorter, slower, and just plain sucked. Yeah, you've found one of the Nice Guy's weaknesses. politics in sports. Honestly, the first two years I was able to chew it up and swallow my frustration. It hurt more knowing the team won one game that year. It also made it hurt less as I sat at each game and snickered to myself as they got slaughtered.

Recap: Freshman through junior year, soccer teams were chosen based on politics.

And then my senior year came around... We had a coach that was actually a soccer player, played for Chico State, and knew the game inside and out. Regardless of whether I made the team or not, I knew I had put in outrageous amounts of work into being in the best shape ever. I searched high and low for tips and tricks of how to be a better goalie, and to understand the game. I learned and practiced Plyometrics, I started running long distance, I did weightlifting. When I wasn't in school or attending church, I had a soccer ball with me. Come hell or high water, I was going to make the team my senior year.

Tryouts arrive and sure enough, some of the "chosen ones" made their jokes "Hey, is JD going to set the record for most tryouts and not make the team" kind of crap. At that moment, I knew I was going to show them up. I could have played any position and beat them. both in ball skills and endurance. I worked my ass off and I planned on showing it. And whaddya know? Having an intelligent coach and a year's worth of hard training paid off. I was starting goalie for every game that season. In the toughest loss of the season, I actually set a league record for the most saves in a game... 47. We lost 1-0 to Pleasant Valley. And at the end of the year, I was awarded All League Goalie by the coaches of the league.

So, the question of the hour is this: Should returning players have to tryout? How should perceived favoritism be handled? And most importantly... what should parents tell their kids when they don't make the team?

the Yang #military #loss

2011-05-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, after spending time helping with the Special Olympics, I came home and read about a man from a town just north of me named Redding who was serving in the Military overseas in Afghanistan. This is the third soldier in our community who has lost their life.

As a Veteran, American, and Citizen of the USA, my heart cries with sadness to hear about another young life lost to the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. As I read the story about this young man, my heart broke for the mom and wife he left back home. At the same time, my heart swelled with pride as I read that he went back to Afghanistan early to be with his unit. His devotion to this country is unquestionable. The price he paid doesn't have a dollar sign attached to it.

I am attending the funeral Thursday afternoon in support of his family. In fact, as I am writing this, the local news channel just posted this on Facebook: "Want to show your support for Preston Dennis' family? We are handing out American flags for you to wave as Dennis' body is taken from McDonalds Chapel to the Vets Cemetary in Igo on Thursday. Flags are free to the first 400 who come to our station on Auditorium Dr. in Redding, Wednesday from 8-5pm. Hope to see you!"

I will be there to support the family, honor a fallen brother in arms, and show my respect for those who have paid the ultimate price for our nation. This man gave his life for every right we have today as an American. Please take a moment and say a prayer for this fallen soldier and his family.

Take a moment to thank anyone you know who is serving or has served. Take a moment to tell your family you love them. While we still have this privilege, there are those who don't. May this fallen soldier RIP and may God bring peace to their lives and hearts.

the Yin #parenting #joy

2011-05-10T17:35:00.000-07:00

This morning I was blessed to have the chance at helping out the local Special Olympics. When I was in Jr. High and High School, I was able to help out Developmentally Disabled kids on a regular basis. I was able to come to their classroom, play games, go for walks, and just spend some quality time with them.

I remember how much it would anger me when other kids would make such horrible remarks towards these kids. I remember how they would mock them with their words and actions. Most importantly, I remember the unconditional love and forgiveness that permeated from their body. No matter how many taunts, jokes, pranks, or mean words were slung at them, they went about their day loving every person that came across their path.

I remember the first time I realized how jealous I was of these kids. I was jealous because they somehow neglected to notice those foul beings who made fun of them. I was jealous that these kids were able to love any and every person with whom they met. I remember wishing that I could have that ability.

Today, I got to spend a couple hours helping put on the hoop shoot and soccer shoot booth for the Elks Lodge. I got to see at least a thousand smiling faces having the times of their lives. I got to celebrate something that I take for granted on a regular basis. I was able to shoot the basketball and kick the soccer ball with all of these kids, high five them every time they shot the ball or kicked it. I found myself on more than a few occasions choking up a little bit because I was reminded that there are people in the world who are pure of heart, who only want to love. I was shown that there is joy in everything in life. I saw a community of people who love each other and only want the best for each other.

I watched this video a couple years ago. I remember crying so hard because I've seen people act the same way as described and I didn't stand up or say anything. I cried because I didn't defend the defenseless. Take 5 minutes and watch this video. I promise it will be worth your while.

Bullies and How I made it out alive

2011-04-21T09:17:00.001-07:00

With it being 12 years since the tragic events at Columbine, there have been 46 more school shootings world wide. I was the victim of bullies for most of my school years from 6th grade till high school graduation. I felt some extremely low points during that time. I didn't have many high points... but I made it out alive. I wrote this note months ago and shared it on Facebook. I can only hope that any kids out there feeling as if they are being bullied can read this and hopefully find some strength. If any of them ever need an ear to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or a back to share the burden, I am here. email me at justin.iiams@gmail.com Here's the note:

This topic of bullies has been one of the biggest sorrows and burdens my entire life. This past month has brought all of the memories from my past to the surface and I've had to painfully remember them and use those memories to talk to those around me who are or have been bullied. being called every cruel term about pimples to having a gut. to not wearing the "cool clothes" to smelling like cigarettes because my mom and grandma smoked in the house. to not fitting in and not being accepted for who I was. From the jackass who tormented me every chance he got in high school to the guy who repeatedly tormented me in the pool during PE. The girls who would laugh at me and wouldn't give me the time of day. the ones who looked at me as if I were a Leaper and would give them a disease if they talked to me or had to sit next to me. High school in a nutshell was a nightmare. the football player who was coach johnsons' pride and joy who threw apples and oranges at me, who shoved me into lockers, called me every horrible name he could think of, and made it his life's mission to make me miserable. from pantsing me every chance he got and calling me needle dick whenever there was a group of girls around. He was there to make sure I was the one who was laughed at when there were plenty of people to laugh at me with him.

Yeah, i hated high school. I hated the teachers that didn't listen, I hated the students that laughed at me, i hated those who took it upon themselves to make sure I was as unhappy as possible. What goes through the mind of a kid who is bullied? first, sadness. second, hatred. third, self doubt. fourth, more hatred. fifth, depressing/anxiety/rage. see the pattern? with each and every time that someone is bullied, their rage grows. What happens if that rage doesn't have an outlet? mayhem. That kid who was bullied incessantly finally cannot take it anymore and does one of two things. They take their life, or the life of another. How do I know? I fantasized about the revenge I wanted. it consumed me. All I could think about was the vengeance that I would have one day. The day that I wasn't paying attention and I was hit with an apple in the head from across the classroom and the teacher did NOTHING. What did I have planned at that point? I packed my backpack, I went to my car, I went home, grabbed a baseball bat, and started driving back to school. I was going to make sure that the pain I felt both physically and mentally would be transferred back to this guy. I got back to school and sat in my car for what felt like hours. I cried. I cried hard. Who had I become? This person with so much rage I wanted to cause physical harm to another person? It scared the hell out of me. long story short, I chose NOT to take out my rage on him. Call it a miracle of God, call it a turning point, call it whatever you want. I somehow became the exception. I chose not to hurt another human being.

So, How did I make it out alive? 8 people come to mind apart from my family. Eddie Henderson, Heidi Henderson, Jennifer Morris, Jesse Morris, Daryl Jones, Jenny Jones, Jim Monck, and Sharon Monck, and Bev Kelley. These were all people that were either a pastor, youth pastor, or leader and role model to me. These were people that accepted me completely. pimples, gut, and awkwardness, and everything else. They made me feel as if I belonged. I gradually BELIEVED that I belonged. Eddie, Jesse, and Daryl kept me on the straight and narrow and the wonderful women were the shoulder I needed to share my burdens with. I can confidently say that without them, I don't know if I would be here today.

Thank you Eddie, Heidi, Jennider, Jesse, Daryl, Jenny, Bev, Jim, and Sharon for being there for me when I needed it. You have truly been a godsend to me in my life.

I learned one very important lesson in all of this: It will get better. maybe not today, or tomorrow, but it will get better. I promise.

The Nice Guy

P.S. do you have a story similar to this? Were you the bully and changed your ways? Share in the comments section and let the world know that Bullies will not be tolerated anymore!

GOD I hate bullies! #parenting

2011-04-11T14:52:00.000-07:00

Today I was minding my own business on my way to the post office to get the mail. I'm on the phone and I see a few cars in front of me slow down then keep going. to my right, I see a big boy... probably around 6'0 230 lbs wailing on the other kid who was MAYBE 5'4" and 120 lbs dripping wet. I roll the window down and tell them to knock it off. No stopping. I put the car in park, get out, and then pull the big boy off the little one. He was smart enough not to throw a punch but he was certainly considering it. I tell the kid being beat up to get on out of there and I would handle "Tubs" (as I affectionately called him after he got lippy).

SO, little kid starts walking off and then Tub's friends start mouthing off "Hey, why the fuck do you care?!?!" Let's see.... I was that kid less than 15 years ago. The memories are still VERY clear to me. The memories of being bullied. the memories of having the ever loving dog shit beat out of me are still VERY vivid to me. While your buddy was beating the hell out of him (the little guy) you were watching and laughing. then your mouthy little girlfriend yelled "You're dead you little shit"... now, I see that as a valid threat So I got on the phone and called the police. The two little punks got in their beat up little rice burner car (but not before I got their license plate.. it's 5NKJ761 in case anyone wants to find out who owns it so I can call their parents btw).

While I was waiting for the police to show up, Tubs and his merry band of hoodrats kept slinging insults and threats at me. Unfortunately, they were all under age or I might be writing this blog from jail... that's another story.

SO, I think the day is over, broke up a fight, and did a good deed. hopefully the smaller boy won't have to deal with those bullies again. BUT WAIT, I WAS WRONG!!!!!

So Hoodrat 1 and Hoodrat 2 drive past me, and then proceed to follow me. for 30 minutes.... I called the police again and their response? "well sir, you can come to the police dept if you think they will follow you". Right, and Osama Bin Laden is gunna roll up to the white house and say "Hey Pres Obama, lets partay!". Sure.

So, I decide to slow down and let them drive up next to me. I say "Hello ladies, tell me, are either of you over the age of 18? because if you are, we'll park now and I'll teach you what it means to trifle with someone. Hell, I'll even let the two of you fight. so long as I get to record it and post it on youtube after I've filed my report with the police department for harrasment and threats. Because i'm feeling generous, I will let you know this one thing: I am a Navy Veteran, I was bullied a lot in school, I have no patience or tolerance for bullies, and I will teach you both a lesson on picking on someone. just because there are two of you doesn't mean I won't beat the shit out of you. You will either learn today or another day that picking on someone doesn't do the world any good. now scamper along, go play xbox and talk shit to someone for fragging them in a make believe world where you think you are superior."

They promptly drove off after peeling out their tires while screaming expletives.

SO, here's what I learned today.....

Bullies need to have their asses handed to them for them to eventually realize the harm they are doing. case in point here:

As an adult, whether you have the time or not, whether you are late to work, or have the entire day to yourself... If you see someone being picked on or beaten up or being bullied... stop the damn car and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! By driving past events like these, you are passively condoning violence and bullies. Stand up for the little guy. I hear so many people talk about how they hate bullies, but they never do anything about it. Was there a chance Tubs and his 4 friends could have ganged up on me? Certainly! Would the kid who was being bullied gotten away? Yep. I am strong enough to take an ass whipping. But how about all those kids who have committed suicide because they weren't strong enough? If they would have seen just one person stand up for them, maybe they would see that they do have someone on their side.

thirdly, the police department is slooooooooooowwwwwww. I was no more than 4 blocks away from the RBPD when this happened. 15 minutes passed before a cop showed up. To say I was fairly disappointed in their *ahem* "timeliness" would be an understatement. and obviously, they have more important things to do... as to what, i'm not sure.

Fourth... a friend of mine said that a 1V1 fight is fair... sure, in MMA fights, Boxing, and other blood sports. Both people step into the ring knowing full well they are going to bash each others' brains in. but in this instance??? a kid twice the size of another? I can only guess by the few seconds of a fight that neither had formal training in fighting. so the argument that it was "fair" is invalid. There was nothing fair about this fight. it was a big boy picking on a little boy. that's not fair in my book.

and Lastly, I vow to ALWAYS stop when I see someone being picked on. Whether the bully is half my size or twice my size. If I get my ass beat in the process of defending someone who can't defend themselves... Those are bumps and bruises I'm willing to take on.

In this day & age, Bullies shouldn't be able to get away with things like this. The police department needs to round the kid up, and take them to Juvie. The schools need to stomp this incessant amount of bullying before it's too late for another child. If you ever pass by an event like the one today, you are just as guilty as the bully in my eyes.

Here's the the underdog! Here's to Rudy! Here's to all people who stand up against bullies and stand up to protect those who can't defend themselves.

Causes I support

2011-03-24T20:42:00.001-07:00

I just don't know how to say it any other way. I'm working to become a well off guy with a great family. Along the way, I find myself giving whatever money I can to help organizations out. There are a few groups that hold a special place in my heart. They all belong to Homeless shelters for men, women, and children, Veterans, Organizations that help kids with terminal illness, and organizations that fight cancer and Breast Cancer especially.

on a side note.. I've been attending a Mastermind Group for the past month. I'm nearly done with my vision board. on there I wrote the following idea: 100K/50K. This year, I want to earn 100K. I also want to find a way to donate half of that to these organizations. I just added one mid way through this post that was 50%. I am hoping that I can get people to donate $25k to these organizations while I am donating my 50K. ok, back to the post.

SO, there I am driving down the road and I realize that one of my life's passions is to volunteer and help raise money for those in need. I've worked with the Mentally ill in Shasta County and when the non profit I worked for shut down, I've never felt so helpless in my life. I had to tll 17 people that I needed to help them find a new home. I hear most of them are doing well. That makes me happy. But there are still transitional housing programs that are certainly struggling. Many city and county governments cut funding for these programs first. Sad to say, but that's how it goes. SO, There is an organization here in Red Bluff called P.A.T.H. (Poor and The Homeless). Here is their website: www.redbluffpath.org. You can also click this link to donate: https://www.justgive.org/basket?acton=donate&ein=68-0465095

Next is The Alyssa Araiza Wings of Angels Organization. Such a great organization! If you go to their website, please have tissues handy. You'll need them. I had to change my shirt since I didn't have a hanky nearby.

Next is the Make a Wish Foundation. Really, I can't say enough about how much this organization rocks. I've been listening to their radiothon all day today. Listening to the stories of kids and their wishes. I pretty much gave up calling on potential customers because every time I got in the car, I found myself pulled over crying listening to the great stories told by parents siblings, and the kids who had wishes come true. If you have a spare ten dollars, please donate to them. I know how tore up I get when my son has an ear infection! I can't even being to try to imagine how these kids, parents, and siblings feel. All I know is I heard happy story after happy story today. I am heading over tomorrow to hand one of the radio DJ's a $50 bill to help out. Here's the link to donate: https://simplecheckout.authorize.net/payment/CatalogPayment.aspx

And lastly, my good buddy Pedro Perez and his wife Christy have two kids with Mitochondria. I will be honest, I can hardly understand what the hell this disease is. I do know this: Mitochondrial diseases can affect any organ in the body and at any age. I also know how many times Pedro and his wife have been in the ER trying to find out what is happening to their lovely kids. By the way, their kids are absolutely adorable. His son Ethan has the awesomest laugh that I've ever heard. It would be a sad day if that Laugh didn't permeate into the world anymore. SO, Now that you've donated to Make a Wish, PATH, and Wings of Angels, take your credit card one more time and click HERE.

If you only spent one dollar at each place. That's one coffee. Can you go without Starbucks or Dutch Bros or Java Detour for one morning? Can you skip McDonald's to help out? I am skipping fast food and coffee and sodas. That money alone should help me donate around $100 a month to all of these groups. So please, from me, my friends, those I've never met before, and millions who you or I will never meet face to face, I urge you to help out. Thank you.

The Nice Guy

being a REAL parent

2011-02-24T13:16:00.000-08:00

First let me admit something... I watch entirely too much television. I need to attend a 12 step program or something. I don't always watch crap. last night I watched The Biggest Loser. I am often moved to tears while watching this show. I mean cmon it's meant to be inspirational.

Last night was a whole different ball game. I saw three parents choose to gain weight in order to keep their kids safe from elimination. I saw a son tell his dad "If I can ever be half the man you are, I am a success". I saw a father and mother fall on the sword to make sure their kids stayed at the ranch and further improve their health.

The job of a parent is to do whatever it takes (legally, morally, and ethically that is) to make sure their kids have a better life than we had. That means skipping the newest technology gizmo in order to pay for books or clothes or anything else that could better your child's life.

I was blessed to have a mom that did this exact thing for me growing up. She gave up things in order for me to have the necessities of life. and plenty of "extras" such as sporting equipment that was not cheap by any means. I am truly angered when I see a parent complaining about not being able to pay for a cap & gown for graduation, but they are able to go to the casino and gamble a couple hundred dollars away. Or smoke a pack a day and not think twice while their child is wearing clothes from last school year. I have been trying to quit chewing tobacco for a LONG time. UGH it's hard. The bottom line tho... IF I had to make a choice between sending my kids on a school trip/function/graduation trip and buying a can of chew? I would give it up in a heart beat!

Sadly, my dad didn't understand sacrifice for me. He was happy with his life and was OK with me visiting during the summer and showing up around my birthday and Christmas. that was about it. so Guys.... Here's my plea to you. If you have a child, for Gods sake! Quit being so damn selfish and get your kids what they need! Remember that YOU chose to bring a life into this planet. Remember that THEY come first in everything that you do.

OK, Off my soap box now. To the parents who understand selflessness, sacrifice, giving your kids better things than you had, teaching them value in what they have, My hat's off to you!

Tell me what you think. Should more parents take a lesson from The Biggest Loser?

What really pissed me off?

2011-02-21T16:48:00.000-08:00

I found this email that I had printed out when I was in the Navy. I read it last weekend and then shared it as a note on Facebook. Then today, I found an article about a wounded soldier who was heckled at Columbia University while giving a speech in support of the ROTC. You can read the story HERE. I tell ya what, by the end of the story, I found my knuckles were white and my blood was boiling. OF COURSE the ritsy titsy rich parents don't want their kids to go to war or learn what it means to serve our country. OF COURSE they are against the war. OF COURSE they would say the military preys on low income families. What really pisses me off? The amount of federal funding that goes to Columbia. I don't know how much, but I am more than certain that they get money from the government. so these pansy ass students who are against the war want to rally and say things like "1 in 3 females in the military are sexually assaulted" But they failed to mention how many females are sexually assaulted on a college campus. hypocrisy much?!?!

Anyways, off my soap box. Here's the note I posted on Facebook. Tell me what you think about all of this.

"It could have been any night of the week, as I sat in one of those loud and casuel steak houses that are cropping up all over the country. You kjnow the type- a bucket of peanuts on the table, shells littering the floor, and a bunch of perky collee kids racing around with longneck beers and sizzling platters.

Taking a sip of my iced tea, I studied the crowd oer the rim of my glass. I let my gaze linger on a few of the tables next to me, where several uniformed military members were enjoying their meals. Smiling sadly, I glanced across my booth tothe empty seat where my husband usually sat. Had it only been a few weeks since we had sat at this very table talking about his upcoming deployment to the middle east? He made me promise to come back to this restaurant once a month, sit in our booth, and treat myself to a nice dinner. He told me that he would treasure the thought of me there eating a steak and thinking about him until he came home. I fingered the little flag pin I wear on my jacket and wondered where at that moment he was. Was he safe and warm? Was his cold any better? Were any of my letters getting to him? As I pondered all of these things, shrill feminine voices from the next booth broke into my thoughts.

"I don't know what Bush is thinking invading Iraq. Didn't he learn anything from his father's mistakes? He is an idiot anyway. I can't believe he is even in office. You know he stole the election"

I cut into my steak and tried not to listen as they began an endless tirade of running fown our president. I thought about the last night I was with my husband as he prepared to deploy. He has just returned from getting his smallpox and Anthrax shots and the image of him standing in our kitchen packing his gas mask still gave me chills.

once again, their voiced invaded my thoughts.

"Its all about oil you know. Our military will go in and rape and pillage and steal all the oil they can int he name of freedom. I wonder how many innocent lives our soldiers will take without a thought? It is just pure greed"

My chest tightened and I stared at my wedding ring. I could picture how handsome my husband was in his mess dress the day he slipped it on my finger. I wondered what he was wearing at that moment. He probably had on his desert uniform. Affectionately dubbed coffee stains, over the top of which he wore a heavy bulletproof vest.

"We should just leave Iraw alone. I don't think they are hiding any weapeons... I think it is all a ploy to increase the president's popularity and pad the budget of our military at the expense of social security and education. We are just asking for another 9/11 and I can't say when it happens again that we didn't deserve it"

Teir words brought to mind the war protesters I had watched gathering outside our base. Did no one appreciate the sacrifice of brave men and women who leave theirhomes and family to ensure our freedom? I glimpsed at the tables around me an saw the faces of some of those courageous men. Looking sad as they listened to the ladies talk.

"Well, I for one, think it is a travesty to invade Iraw and I am certainly sick of our tax dollars going to train professional baby killers we call a Military."

Professional baby killers?!?! As I thought about what a wonderful father my husband is and wondered how long it would be before he was able tosee his children again, indignation rose up within me. Normally reserved, pride in my husband gave me a boldness I ha never known. Tonight, one voice would cry our on behalf of themilitary. One shy woman would stand and let her pride in our troops be known. I made my way to their table, placing my palms flat on it and lowered myself to be eye level with them. Smiling I said "I couldn't help overhearing your your conversation. I am sitting over here trying to enjoy my dinner alone. Do you know why I am alone? Because my husband, whom I love dearly, is halfway across the world defending your right to say rotten things about him. You have the right to your opinion, and what you think is none of my business. But what you say in my hearing is and I will not sit by and listen to you run down my country, my president, my husband, and all these other fine men and women in here who put their lives on the line to give you the freedom tocomplain. Freedom is expensive ladies. Don't let your words and actions cheapen it."

I must have been louder than I meant to be, because about that time the manager came over and asked if everything was all right. "yes, thank you" I replied and then turned back to the ladies. "Enjoy the rest of your meal."

To my surprise, as I sat down to finish my steak, a round of applause broke out in the restaurant. Not long after the ladies picked up their check and scurried away, the manager brought me a huge helping of apple cobbler and ice cream. Compliments of the table to my left. He told me that the ladies had tried to pay for my dinner but someone had already beaten them to it. When I asked who, he said the couple had already left, but that the man had mentioned he was a WWII Vet and wanted to take care of the wife of one of our boys.

I turned to thank the soldiers for the cobbler, but they wouldn't hear a word of it retorting "Thank you, you said what we wanted to, but weren't allowed"

As I drove home that night, for the first time in a while, I didn't feel quite so alone. My heart was filled with the warmth of all the patrons who had stopped by my table to tell me they too were proud of my husband and that he would be in their prayers. I knew their flags would fliy a little higher the next day. Perhaps they would look for tangible ways to show their pride in our country and our troops. And maybe, just MAYBE, the two ladies sitting at that table next to me would pause for a minute to appreciate all the freedom this great country offers and what it costs to maintain. As for me, I had learned that one voice can make a difference. Maybe the next time protesters gather outside the gates of the base where I live, I will proudly stand across the street with a sign of my own. a sign that says "THANK YOU!!"

Note from me:

I also fought for every persons right for freedom of speech, the right to have an opinion, the right to live in this country without fear of religious persecution. whenever the weather is decent in Red Bluff (meaning around 70 degrees with no wind or rain or blistering heat) a group of protsters gather on main street to protest the war and protest the military. I like to call them fair weather protesters. If it REALLY mattered to them, they would be out there all day every day of every week of every month of every year. Rain, sleet, snow, sunshine, or 115 degree weather. But they aren't. Actions speak louder than words. If you care about something, SHOUT it from the the mountaintops. If you were able to read this note, thank a teacher. If you were able to read it in english, thank a veteran or service member.

If you found this note offensive, I honestly can't say I am sorry. If it did offend you, you have the right to not read it, you have the right to unfriend me, you have the right to call me whatever name you please. I won't be offended. After all, I fought for that right too.

To sum it all up, I think a sticker on a car I saw words it best. If you don't want to stand behind our troops, please, FEEL FREE to stand in front of them.

Flash Mob for Mrs. Palubeski

2011-02-04T21:34:00.000-08:00

Today, I saw the most inspirational story of a community (more specifically, Red Bluff High School students) come together to lift up one of their own. Here's the story:

about 5 months ago, Betsy Palubeski (teacher at RBUHS) was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She underwent treatment and came back home on monday January 31st after being gone for over three months. The story is that when her treatment was done, the nurses sang "Zippededoodaa zippededay My oh My what a wonderful day". Quite a song to hear when you've just been told "Your cancer is gone".

Enter monday... Cindy Haase (another teacher at RBUHS) asked the high school band if they could learn the song and then today (friday) mob together with the rest of the school and march to the front of Mrs. Palubeskis house and welcome her home. I didn't hear about his until one of the members of the bank posted on his FB page about what was going to happen. Well, I got on the horn to KRCR channel 7 and KNVN/KHSL and both were able to make it. While their videos are a lot nicer than mine, I still made a mash up of what I recorded.

To say that being proud of the students would be an understatement. To say that the faculty that made it happen are awesome is an understatement. Simply, this was one helluva start to 2011 for students, teachers, observers, and Mrs. Palubeski. Here's the video that I shot. Share it, make people aware of cancer and early detection. Get involved with Relay for Life, donate platelets and blood, get on the bone marrow registry. DO SOMETHING. I don't have deep pockets, but i've got a big heart. I can't donate much money, but I can certainly donate time.

Mrs. P's husband also recorded a video and shared on Facebook. you can click HERE to go watch it. He's got a point... There aren't many places on earth that can do something this cool. Red Bluff, Ca is one of those places. This isn't just a great place to live, it isn't just a great place to raise a family. It's a place to become part of a BIG family. One that I have been part of for my entire life. It makes me proud to say that I am Red Bluffian Through and Through.

Here's where I call everyone to action: If you have defeated cancer, know someone who has, and ESPECIALLY if you know someone who has succumbed their battle to cancer, PLEASE, PLEEEAAASE find a cause to help support and donate to. Me personally, Relay For Life. I am hoping to raise $1000 this year. I raise $1000 and I will dye my hair purple and pink. I want to rid this horrible disease from this planet and want to celebrate more birthdays with friends who have kicked cancers butt and told it to never come back again. If you want to donate, click HERE. If you want to get involved, please email me justin.iiams@gmail.com and I will make sure you get in touch with the right people. Lets Save the TaTa's and Kill Cancer!

The Nice Guy

week two day 2 of Fit Camp

2011-01-26T23:01:00.000-08:00

I was going to do a video post (but chose not to since it may have had a little too much adult language in it. so writing it out allows me to have my business voice... for the most part)

Tonight was the roughest time I've had working out so far. I wasn't pushed so far that I puked, or broke down in tears or swore that my trainer was satan. Close, but not all the way.

However, I gained a few insights this evening as I was working out. I was working with a light set (10 lb weights), and a heavy set (15 lbs). we were doing some hard core arm and shoulder workouts and it got to the point that I simply couldn't lift the 15 lb weights anymore. Jill (our trainer) told me to switch to the light weights and half way through I couldn't lift those either! She then told me to go to a lighter set (8 lbs) and shortly thereafter I couldn't lift those either.

I was on the brink of tears of utter frustration that I couldn't lift 8 damn pounds! I was further frustrated that there were 3 women to the left of me lifting heavier weights. I've never felt like such a wuss in my entire life! Granted, two of the women have been in the class for a few months and have some guns built up. My wife (who started the same time as me) was chugging along too without any troubles. It was bittersweet. I was pissed off that I couldn't lift weights 1/4 the size of my toddler but my wife was rocking the workout.

So, midway through the workout after we got done lifting weights, we started working on the heavy bags. at this point, I couldn't really feel my arms and the frustration had gone away. I had a moment to think to myself: I now understand why people prefer to sit on the couch and be out of shape. its so much frikken easier!!!!! So I had a moment to loathe those who are sitting on the couch while I was getting my ass handed to me by a woman 100 lbs lighter than me. Humbling, yes I know.

once we got done, I had a moment to talk with Jill about the workout. she knew I was upset and wanted to work this issue out. This is one of the reasons why I prefer to have a trainer with as much training and knowledge as she does by the way. I told her I was elated that my wife was being such a go getter and really killing the workout. But I was completely frustrated with my lack of ability to complete such a simple workout. High school days and navy days I would have done that and still been able to go run a few miles without breaking a sweat. Now I'm a fat ass who can't run 1/4 of a mile without being winded and I can't even keep up with the ladies in my class. I felt utterly ashamed of how I felt and looked and was frustrated that it wasn't happening RIGHT NOW.

She said "Justin, No one gets into shape over night. No one gets into shape over a week or even a month. it takes time and energy and dedication. Those three things you showed tonight more so than over the past week and a half. You pushed until your body couldn't give any more. and you STILL found the ability to muster enough strength to do the last few reps. Celebrate Angie's success but also celebrate your success. While you struggled tonight, you've lost 9 lbs over the past week and a half. that's a success! I'll get you to where you want to be. You didn't mentally give up and that's the majority of the battle."

I have to say that tonight I experienced a real low and after the pep talk from Jill, I felt better about how the workout went. I understand that this will be a long and continuous road to my goal of running a marathon by the end of the year. I understand that there will be shitty days and glorious days. I understand that each and every day I have the choice to eat right or eat junk food. I have the choice to embrace being in shape or the choice to be a shape (round). I have the choice to celebrate successes or let perceived failures fester and not talk about them.

For this nice guy, I am choosing glorious days, eating right, being in shape, and celebrating successes. I hope you all choose the same!

Week one over and done with

2011-01-22T22:31:00.000-08:00

This week I started going to a fit camp put on by Jill Becker (Owner of BODY Projex). Monday night, we did some core workouts along with cardio. The most difficult part was doing the calf and thigh exercises tho. I limped and hobbled along until Wednesday when we did our second day of the Fit Camp. Wind sprints, working the heavy bags, and upper body and shoulders. That was all fine and dandy until the next morning. I attempted to finish visiting the bathroom only to find out my arms weren't strong enough to wipe. *awkward*

Friday rolled along and I realized I had two obligations to fulfill at the same time. DOH! I was responsible for selling tickets to support Sober Grad and needed to be at Fit Camp at the same time. CRAP!!!!! I made the decision to sell tickets. While it was a success (sold 60 tickets in just over 2 hours), I neglected my path to being healthier. I chose to eat nachos and drink soda while at the high school selling tickets. It carried over to today and I made one bad choice after another. This whole diet thing (While I am loathing it now) is going to be an uphill battle the entire way.

My dear wife in her attempt to help me made scrambled egg whites with bell peppers. I woke up STARVING and this WASN'T what I had intended to eat for breakfast. I was looking forward to eggs over easy, toast, hashbrowns, bacon, and a HUGE glass of milk. So I made one good choice this morning but then the rest of the day was pure crap.

so, tomorrow morning, back on the wagon, eating healthier, and gunna start the plan with the Couch to 5K app on my Droid. its a 9 week plan so I will be keeping everyone up to date with how that is going. Pretty much I will be working out m-sat. I know that when I am working out, I do make those good choices instead of the bad ones. I hold myself accountable for what I eat, along with every other aspect of my life.

another good choice was getting a massage today. Michelle Dunn from Rio Skin and Body Works did wonders for my back. Someone paid for me to have a massage as a gift for all the wonderful work I do in the community (Still scratching my head at how in the heck did that. If you read this blog, THANK YOU!!!!!), and let me tell you I feel AH-MAZING. I am sure after I hit submit and crawl into bed, my wife will be elbowing me in the ribs to quit snoring... Soon my love, 35 lbs to go and snore no more for this guy!

So, if you are choosing to get in shape and are getting a gym membership, Please, give yourself a gift of a massage. I promise you, it will be the best money you spend in your endeavors to become healthier. It will improve your mind, body, and spirit. The bottom line is this: When deciding to get into shape, realize that there will be bumps in the road. You can't snap your fingers and instantly be the same size you were in your high school days. You've gotta work up to it. Its a hard road, but I promise you when you get to the top, all that hard work will be worth it. From business to the bedroom, It will improve every aspect of your life.

Wishing everyone a continued happy new year!

The Nice Guy

I'm Pissed!

2011-01-18T21:32:00.000-08:00

This post may be a little out of character, but not often do I get riled about something negative that I want to blog about it. Tonight isn't the case.

I attended my first Red Bluff City Council Meeting tonight. There was only one part that bothered me and it was this: The Red Bluff Tehama County Chamber of Commerce was asking the City Council to approve of inserting a flyer in the utilities bill to "Support small business and shop local". Nothing super duper fancy, just a gentle reminder to help our local economy and support the small businesses that are trying to survive this economy. There were 4 yes votes and one no vote.

Needless to say, I was PISSED! I said on Facebook "CMON MAN!" It was directed at city council member Daniele Jackson but since we aren't friends on Facebook, I don't know if she'll see that. So afterwards I asked her "Why did you vote no?" She said "because it was too vague and there wasn't anywhere to put a local business to support" OK, well a couple minutes before the vote, the council asked the specific question "Will any business be mentioned or just a vague "shop local" kind of thing?" The chamber replied that it would be vague because if someone wasn't given the chance to put an ad in, there could be legal ramifications. I get that.

So it was decided to approve the request for the chamber however, every flyer had to be approved by the city manager. Fine, that works for me. But what really bothered me was that Ms. Jackson had the chance to further the discussion but she didn't. What bothered me even further was the fact that IF businesses were allowed to put in a business card size ad, there is only enough space on an 8 1/2 - 11 Flyer. So here's where the problem would lie IF businesses could pay to be on the flyer. 1) every business wants a piece but only a set amount (roughly 10) would be able to buy an ad each month. SO, first come first serve? Yeah that's gunna go over like a fart in church. Make it to where if you put the ad in once, you can't do it again for the year unless an opening occurs? Nope, that won't fly either. So then problem #2 arises. 2) if everyone wants to join in, then does it become a bidding war? If so, then WalMart will get dibs, Car dealers will get dibs, and other BIG businesses who have a large bankroll get dips and thus ruining the WHOLE IDEA of shopping locally. So what does that leave us with?

Here's my solution: The flyer would say this: "The Red Bluff Tehama County Chamber of Commerce encourages everyone to Shop Locally!" Period, Done, the End, FIN. That is a business card ad right there. And here's the kicker... The Chamber said they would pay for any extra charges that occurred for postage! So to me, this is a win-win-win. Small businesses get more support, the Chamber does their job, and the city doesn't pay a dime for it.

Yes, I understand they approved it. But why not ask those questions? It was my first time and didn't know the protocol for asking questions otherwise I would have. But isn't that why we have a city council? For them to think of those questions before hand? They see the agenda.

Anyways, Here's something that politicians don't do very often or at all. If Daniele reads this little blog from a guy in Faaaar Northern California, Please accept my apology for sounding like an ass on facebook. I thank you for giving me a direct and honest answer to my question when I asked it. I don't like having Foot in Mouth syndrome, but I know how to apologize when i've been a jerk and tonight I was. With that, Please forgive me for speaking and assuming before asking to get clarification. It won't happen again.

Kindly,

The Nice Guy.

T-minus 20 hrs

2011-01-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, I start Fit Camp. to say I am scared... eh that's an understatement. I will guarantee two things are going to happen tomorrow... I will absolutely positively awesomely barf within the first ten minutes tomorrow afternoon. I will also get on the path to being a healthier person who gets to spend many years growing old with my wife and watching our children grow and have kids of their own.

My wife is going to participate tomorrow so it will be very nice to attack this together. My end goal is to run a 5K within the next couple months. Then a 10K shortly after that, then a half marathon, then a full marathon by October of this year. I've got my workout shoes, I've got my clothes, my water bottle, and the apps to track my progress on my Droid. We'll see how this week goes. It's 3 days a week for 4 weeks.

The mastermind behind all of this is Jill Becker, owner of Body Projex. I've seen the work she has done since she came to our town in 2008. I have a feeling however, that the first week will go something like this joke I've read numerous times over the years:

Dear Diary ...

For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the Dear)purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Bruce, who
identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.

The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Monday:

Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!
Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my
workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

Tuesday:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!
It's a whole new life for me!

Wednesday:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my startled screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the Stair Monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by
elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other BS too.

Thursday:

Bruce was waiting for me with his *******-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells.
When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine which I rowed to the exit right after stopping at my purse for a snack.

Friday:

I hate that idiot Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.
Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna *** laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a
health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday:

Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my Planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

Sunday:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband - the IDIOT- will choose a gift for me that is more in keeping with my age and interests - like lunch or shopping or watching someone beat the crap out of Bruce.

Read more at http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=797113&ktrack=kcplink

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Yeah, as I said *in the Saw voice* "There will be barfing". and yes friends have already asked if I was going to record all of it.... OH YEAH! so its gunna be a vlog/blog for a while with other stuff sprinkled in.

It's gunna be a fun ride!

P.S. for any of you runners out there, what resources do you know of for aspiring and starting runners?

Another woman I completely admire

2011-01-14T19:51:00.000-08:00

Today was a bittersweet day in the Iiams household. Today was the last day that our son Ian attended daycare at Mickies Magical Moments.

He's been going there since August. But in those five and a half months, she has become more of a daycare provider and more of a dear friend. I went to school with two of her sons and her husband was one of my little league coaches. She is the epitome of a great woman. She has done many things to ensure her kids had and have a good life. She has gone without so that her children could have.

Mickie is heading back east and we will miss her dearly. When we were low on gas and cash, she would offer to bring our son into town once the other parents had picked up their kids. when we were low on cash, she would say "pay me when you can", and me being the new dad would offer advice whenever she felt it was the right time to give it. I still remember the first day dropping my son at Mickies and how difficult it was to leave my son when he was crying. Mickie said "Justin, go stand at the window and feel free to watch until you feel comfortable leaving." I guess she's had the past 20 years to figure out the best way to talk to a new parent the first time leaving them at daycare. being able to watch how she interacted with my son (as if he were her own child) set me at ease and I was able to go to work with a clean head and a clear conscience.

Immediately, we saw his verbal skills and recognition of shapes and colors blossom. It truly felt like this woman was a miracle worker!

I can simply say this: Mickie is a wonderful woman who I admire and look up to. Our town will miss a great woman who was devoted to her family, her church, and her community. We love you Mickie and will miss you dearly!

As we would tell people in the Navy when they were moving on to bigger and better things "Fair Winds and Following Seas".

We love ya Mickie!

Justin, Angie, Ian, JD, and Heather

a guy who knows about a community

2011-01-03T22:41:00.000-08:00

I grew up in a small town. I returned to that small town (Red Bluff, Ca) back in 2004 after my 4 year contract with the US Navy. Since returning home, I've met hundreds of people who make a great impact in the Community. From sports organizations to non profits to your everyday heroes that help a small town stay alive and in our case, thrive.

About six months ago, I was sent a friend request by a dog... Yes a dog. His name? Kaiser Von Hindlick... I got the notice on my phone and at first glance, I thought this was some kind of spam account or something even worse. To my surprise, when I got home, I got on the computer and checked the account out. The dog's owner, Dan Mabry, sent me a friend request shortly after. From first glance, Dan seemed to be just an average guy who had a funny sense of humor. However, after a few weeks, I realized he was much more than "average".

And so now over the past 6 months or so, I've seen Dan jump head first into the topics and problems that face our local community. We had a missing teenager, and he spent his days and nights tirelessly asking people to get the word out. Missing dogs, homes lost to fires, home insurance rates skyrocketing because of ISO ratings.... You name it, if its a problem for our local community, he's there trying to find a solution for it. He's a Rudy. To him, no problem is too big if you get enough people involved. He isn't pushy in trying to get people to purchase insurance through him. He's too busy trying to make a real difference in the area.

About two months ago, he shared a story of a neighbor who had been battling with Wells Fargo. The story goes that his neighbor had reached a deal with Wells Fargo Mortgage and weeks after the "Deal", she was served with a foreclosure notice. Being the hero that Dan is, he hopped on the horn and shared the information of the CEO of Wells Fargo along with email, fax, and phone numbers for the office of the CEO.

I have had many conversations with Dan, and I consider myself lucky to have met him and his lovely wife Debi, and their awesome dog Kaiser. If there were a photo in the dictionary next to the word Local Hero, Dan's face would be there. If you have a chance, swing by his page and say hi. Send a friend request to his dog who responds with "ARRF", and see just how much of a difference this man is doing in our community. I wish everyone had a man like Dan in their community.

Happy New year everyone!

To those that I love

2010-12-25T11:06:00.001-08:00

Here are the letters I wrote everyone for Christmas. I hope you all enjoy. I will be recording their expressions as I read them later today :)

Madre,

In my 28 years of life, you have always been there for me when I needed it. You’ve even been there when I didn’t ask for it, but needed it most. You taught me how a real loving parent should act with their kids. That above anything else, your child should be #1 in everything they do. I know I didn’t vocalize it when I was a teen, but the hours you worked to provide for us was always appreciated. I was able to have a great life growing up because of your hard work. My heart smiles when I see Ian run up to you and yell “GRANDMA!” when you come to the house. Thank you for loving JD and Heather as your own grandchildren even though I didn’t help make them J I appreciated all the times you played catch with me, badminton with me, kicked the soccer ball with me, colored with me, and all the fun times we had driving to soccer games together. Thank you for being at every game possible. I know you had the work of both a mom and dad to fill, and you did it perfectly. Yes we’ve joked that you are my Fadre, but as much as we joke, it is the truth. Unorthodox ways of telling me about the birds and the bees by buying me a playboy was awesome. Victoria Silvstedt is still the hottest playmate in my eyes to this day J You were there for me to teach me that fighting wasn’t the answer and talking things out was. You taught me that a parent’s first and most important priority is their children. You showed me that a sense of humor is an invaluable asset and that being able to tell a joke is an art form. I’m lucky to have you as a Mom and the kids are lucky to have you as a Grandma. I love you VERY much!

Merry Christmas!

Justin

Aunt Kathy,

I remember in the 5^th grade, I wrote a paper about who I looked up to. I wrote the paper about you and how I admired going back to college in your mid thirties while working full time. I remember being awestruck at how difficult of a task it was going to be but you forged ahead and reached the goal you set out to achieve. I remember when you were writing your thesis and somehow water was spilled on your project and you had all the papers hanging on a clothes rack in your office. No matter the hurdles, you always overcame them a little stronger and a little better than you were before.

I remember walking you down the aisle to marry Uncle Jeff and how proud of you I was and how honored I was to be the one walking you down as well. I also remember grandma saying “if Justin can pronounce Jeff’s last name, you have my blessing”. I think she forgot that because of mom and grandma reading to me every night, my reading comprehension was pretty darn good. And then I remember saying “Arbogast” and grandma saying “sonofabitch!”

I have always enjoyed our debates about religion, politics, education, and everything else under the sun. While we may disagree on many things, I’ve learned you can disagree but still have the utmost respect for each other. You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever met who also knows how to yield.

You’ve taught me that having your head dipped in Lake Almanor and having your feet sucked up by a vacuum won’t kill you. You also taught me that being able to burp on command is an invaluable trait J I love you Aunt Kathy! To many more Christmases and many more debates about everything under the sun!

Merry Christmas!

Justin

Uncle Jeff,

Since I’ve known you, I’ve looked up to you as the man I wanted to be one day. In you, I saw a real man, and a real gentleman. I saw how you showed love and affection to Aunt Kathy. You showed me that a real man can be strong but also loving and caring. Where I didn’t have a dad to show me things in life, you were there to lead the way. I always saw you as the male role model in my life. You once told me a story about how you and Aunt Kathy had a fight and while in bed, she was laying with her back to you and you realized she was crying. You told her that she should never feel as if she had to hide her tears from you. It taught me that even the strongest men should show compassion. I look up to you because you have gone back to school to better yourself. I’ve also learned from you the value of working hard. I see the house you have now and the house that you started with years ago. I see how much time you have put into it, and that with hard work comes great rewards. I also see you working two jobs to make sure ends meet. I saw how you were a dad to Holly and Noah and that is how a real man should treat his children. I’ve done my best to emulate that and treat my kids with the same love and respect as you have done with them. Through actions and words you have shown me what it means to be a man. And because of that, I am a better man because of you. You’ve also taught me that real men claim their farts. Regardless of how stinky they are. I love ya Uncle Jeff!

Merry Christmas!

Justin

Angie,

I can’t believe that in a little over three months, we will have been together for 5 years. In that time, we’ve fallen in love over and over again. You’ve shown me that parenting is a daunting task, but it is SO worth every second of it. You’ve shown me that being in love isn’t a 50/50 kind of deal, it’s a 100/100 kind of deal. You have supported me when I was down, and have been my cheerleader when I was successful. You have been my rock when I needed it and always find the right words to say at just the perfect time. We have three lovely kids who change this house into a home. Through trials and tribulations we have stuck together and weathered the storm. Because of you, I am a better man, better dad, and better husband. You inspire me to be great, do great things, and have a great life together. While this Christmas season we aren’t financially rich, we are beyond rich in life, love, laughs, and family. I am wishing you a happy anniversary a few months early but I look forward to many many more Christmases together. You are the sexiest woman I’ve ever met, you make me smile more than anything else in the world, and you are one of the most giving people I know. You have blessed me with a healthy happy loving family that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I promise to be a loving husband, caring dad, and partner to you for the rest of my life. I love you Angie!

Merry Christmas for many many more years to come!

Your loving husband,

Justin

You four have blessed my life and impacted it more than I could ever say or show. I love you all!

For those who aren't home with us

2010-12-24T14:42:00.000-08:00

During the four years I spent in the Navy, I was fortunate enough to be able to spend every Christmas and every Thanksgiving home with my family. However, for hundreds of thousands of troops, sailors, and airmen, they aren't able to be home with their families.

During Christmas, please take a moment to appreciate your family. Appreciate that they home with you and not in a foreign land protecting our country. Give your spouse and kids extra hugs and kisses, hug your parents and if you still have Grandparents, sit with them and listen to the stories they tell. I miss my grandparents dearly and wish I would have sat and listened more to them. When I was deployed, I wished I would have told my loved ones how much I adored them and cared for them.

And so, this Christmas, I will be overly sappy, quick to forgive, and slow to anger. For I have everything I need. Family. I have a special surprise for my loved ones this year. I will record it and share it after Christmas for everyone to see.

I wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas, a Happy safe, and prosperous new year! Lets head into 2011 Ready to Rock and Roll!

Better Man inspired by @danoah

2010-12-23T12:02:00.001-08:00

I've blogged about being a better man before. My favorite quote from a movie is by Jack Nicholson to Helen Hunt. In it he says "You make me want to be a better man". I don't know of many other compliments a man could give to a woman let alone another human being.

I ran into a blog about a month ago called Single Dad Laughing. It really was one of the best written blogs i've seen in a LONG time! Dan is a single dad and the content he has written has been truly inspirational. While I may not be a single dad, I am 28 years old and have three kids (Ian 2 yrs old, JD, my stepson 12 years old, and Heather my stepdaughtr 17 years old.) So I relate to most of what Dan says in his posts.

The first post I ever read was "You just broke your child, Congratulations!". I read it and wept with tears as I imagined that poor child being broken down. I was fortunate that I had an awesome mom who showed me love beyond what I deserved. I wasn't a juvenile delinquent, I was just an only child who was a brat like the rest. But I remember reading that post and promising myself I would NEVER talk to my kids that way. EVER.

And then the other day I read another post that hit home like never before. It was called "Real dads don't leave". I suddenly felt as if I was back in my t-ball days and my first game was about to start. I remember this feeling of PRAYING my dad would show up. And then I remember this feeling of sadness when I realized he wasn't showing up to the game. I got my first base hit that day. And then I remember playing in the minor league championship and hoping and praying my dad would be there. again, disappointment. On to soccer and playing in the U-14 tournament. When we won our second to last game to advance to the championships, I called my dad and asked if he would come watch. His words "Son, I just don't like soccer that's why I won't go". Yeah, tell me about it. Way to shit on your son before the biggest game of his life so far. On to high school and many soccer games later and never there.

Fast forward to 2003. I am a month away from getting married. I call my dad to see if he is going to make it. His response "Are your aunt and grandma going to be there? Because if so, I won't". Yeah, thanks for shitting on that day too. That marraige didn't work but now I'm married again. Did he make it to this one? nope.

and then lets get to late 2007. I find out my wife is pregnant and my dad is going to be a grandpa. I call him up and tell him. I hear him on the other line drunker than a billy goat and now he's crying. Why? Sadly, it wasn't tears of happiness, they were tears of regret for the years he had pissed away with pride and selfishness. Instead of being the typical nice guy, I finally stood up for myself and told my dad the simple truth. "Dad, I will be a better father than you ever could have wanted to be. Why? Because you taught me all the wrong things to do. I will love my child regardless if he wants to play football or soccer, play with dolls or GI Joes, play basketball or volleyball, do gymnastics or be in choir and band. He will be my son and I will love him and support him in everything that he does because I know what it feels like to not have a dad who cares."

I didn't want to talk to him anymore and so I just hung up. it was shortly after our son was born that I spoke to my dad again. I just called to tell him he was now a grandpa and that our son was 21 inches long and 8lbs 12oz.

So why say all this? Because on the flip side of all of this, I have had great people in my life who make me want to be a better man. My wife, kids, mom, aunts, uncles, and friends. I want to be the man that my dad never was and then some. I will never leave my son to be raised by another man. I will never judge him for his choices or preferences. He's my son and I will love him until the day I die with every ounce in my body.

I've always said "it simply takes unprotected sex to be a father. But it takes making love and being a real man to be a DAD".

To Dan, and all the other dads (single or not), May you have a Merry Christmas, and may you love your kids as much as I love mine!

A Random Act of Kindness

2010-12-17T23:20:00.000-08:00

Before I tell you all what prompted me to write about this, about a month ago, I was talking with my mom and as I started to complain that our family (along with everyone else in the country) is experiencing a very poor Christmas, I stopped mid sentence and changed my attitude. I said "While this may be the financially poorest Christmas ever, in every other aspect of my life, I am as rich as I ever have been. I am healthy, I have three great kids (two who are in school with a 3.5 gpa or higher btw), an awesome wife, and incredible friends and family." THIS statement for the past month has enabled me to change my outlook and see things in a brighter light than before.

So, a few days ago I was listening to the radio and the DJ's made mention that they were happy how the holidays encouraged people to become more giving and more caring. But, they were also saddened that it was predominantly only during the holidays and not year round. I realized that yes they were right. Even though I do what I am able to do to help others year round, I find that I am more likely to help a random stranger during the holidays than during the rest of the year.

And with that, I decided that instead of walking past the bell ringers with my head down, I would find whatever change I had in my pocket and drop it in the bucket as I walked in to get groceries. As I walked out, I would drop a dollar in the bucket and continuously do that until the bell ringers were gone. If I saw someone asking for help, I would stop and give it to them. I saw two ladies trying to wrestle a mini fridge out of their car yesterday and instead of sitting there, I went outside to help them out. It took but maybe 5 minutes of my time and I knew they were smiling when I left.

And then this evening, I stopped by subway to grab a sandwich and realized there was a man I had seen earlier digging through trash cans looking for cans to recycle was in the subway store buying a sandwich. I've seen him around town numerous times but sadly, never took the time to offer any kind of help. So after I paid for my sandwich, I asked the clerk to ring up a gift card for the remaining amount of the $20 bill I paid my sandwich with and asked them to also get a cup of their warm soup. I asked them to give it to the man after I had left. They were genuinely surprised that someone would do that for a complete stranger!

I don't know if I will ever meet that man again. I doubt he even remembered my face. BUT, I hope that the simple gesture sticks with him. I hope his evening got a little better after that. As I walked out of the store, I realized I was nearly in tears of happiness. I realized that even when I was feeling a little down that the presents under the tree for my kids wouldn't be in abundance, I shared my abundance of love and caring with another human being.

I also came to understand that I alone cannot save the world. I can however, make a difference in someones' life. I can always show love and kindness, and I will forever more take a moment to do a random act of kindness. The greatest part about doing something like this is that often times, we don't have to actively seek these opportunities to do something kind. If we are open to it, those chances will make themselves abundantly clear. You can choose to tell everyone you know about it, or you can choose to keep it to yourself and smile quietly knowing you helped someone have a better day.

In case I don't write again before the holidays come and go, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas, Happy and prosperous new year, and best wishes and blessings to you all!

Endurance

2010-12-08T18:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I began my journey of running. Yeah, that kind of torture that you do when you walk fast. I'm fairly certain that during the Spanish Inquisition, they made people run as a form of torture. Anyways, talking about torture isn't the purpose today. Endurance is.

I've never been an endurance kind of runner. Sprinter, yes. I've got a collection of medals and ribbons from school when I sprinted. That's another reason why I was one helluva Goalie in soccer. However, I never had endurance to run more than a few miles without feeling like I was going to die. I've realized that endurance spans across more than just physical boundaries too. I would like to think I have good mental and emotional endurance. I've always been the shoulder for someone to lean on or cry on when they needed it.

A couple days ago, I watched the series finale of Little People Big World on TLC. I've watched this show since it started. I was amazed to see this man (Matt Roloff) who is literally half my size, take on the world and become a successful businessman. He took a ranch with nothing on it to an attraction in Oregon. I was equally amazed to see his wife Amy fearlessly take on the world and take hurdles in stride. I remember an episode where she was grocery shopping and the item she needed was on the top shelf. She didn't go ask for help... She CLIMBED the racks to get what she wanted. I remember thinking to myself "That woman is awesome!" I have looked up to her ever since.

So yesterday, I knew I wasn't going to be able to run a marathon, but I knew I would be able to run some kind of distance. well, within less than a quarter mile, I was certain that I was on the verge of death. I was about to send up the smoke signal, call 911, confirm my last will and testament, and die on the side of the road. But then, I realized that's now what the Roloffs would do. I kept pushing on. I didn't run a mile in 4 minutes... It took me 14 minutes to run 1.1 miles. but hey, it's a start.

And then last night, I was watching The Biggest Loser (yes, I know, I watch too much TV. I'm working on it!) I saw a woman who was once 260+lbs run a marathon in less than 5 hours. I watched two men both who were oncer over 300 lbs run it. So now, I know I can do it! Today, one and a half miles down. Yes, it will be a long struggle to get back into shape and prepare for a half marathon and even a full marathon. But I will do it.

so stay tuned, I plan on writing with more frequency as I run. I will probably start taking pictures of the places that I run and maybe take some videos while I'm out there. I will most likely be a heaping ball of sweat, but hey, it will be honest. Yes, I will expand my endurance to 26.2 miles and see if I manage not to die along the way!

And if there are any runners out there with advice, PLEASE, share it! I am gunna need all the help I can get!

Veterans day by a Veteran

2010-11-10T22:43:00.000-08:00

Ten years ago, When someone would say "Veteran" I thought of some grey haired man telling war stories. I never would have imagined myself being a veteran. It's still weird sometimes to say "Yes, I'm a Veteran".

Anyways, that's not really the reason for this post. It's to say Thank You to those who have served our great country. It's to say Thank You to businesses that support our service members and Veterans on Veterans Day and every other day of the Year.

Here is a list of businesses that honor those who have Honored our county with their service:

Applebees is giving away a free meal to all veterans and service members.

Need2Speed in Redding, Ca is doing a promotion for Veterans. Click HERE to see their deal.

Chili's, Golden Corral, Outback, Logans, Marie Calendars, and Home depot are doing various promotions across the country.

Steve Barnes Painting gives a 10% discount Year round. Click HERE to see their deals.

This is just a very small list that I was able to gather today. If you know of other businesses that offer deals or discounts to Veterans, please share that in the comments!

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Now that is taken care of, I want to share some thoughts and ideas about Veterans that have been on my mind recently:

On Veterans Day, NO Veteran should have to work unless they want to. It's one day out of the year. Managers, small business owners, employers... Take a moment to thank any veterans that work for you. Thank them for your right to have a profitable business and the freedom to conduct that business.

On Veterans Day, Unless you are doing a promotion for Veterans or service members, either take the day off and attend a ceremony or simply close the store for one day with a sign "In observation of Veterans Day, we will not be open."

On Veterans Day, every person you see with a Veteran bumper sticker, hat, pin, or anything else indicating they served our Country, Stop what you are doing say "Thank You", and shake their hand. It takes less than ten seconds. If you have kids, make sure they say thank you as well.

On Veterans Day, realize that there are wives who don't have a husband coming home to them anymore. There are children who don't have a mom or dad anymore. There are parents who had to bury their child. There are brothers and sisters who only have a picture to hold and look at instead of being able to touch the face of a brother or sister who gave their life for our Country.

Lastly, on Veterans Day, take just one minute to say a prayer for those who haven't made it home yet. Pray for the quick and safe return of our everyday heroes who make our life a little bit easier each and every day.

As we said in the Navy, "May you have fair winds, and following seas".

OMG early #followfriday @nerdyapple

2010-11-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

OK, I've found another person today who just blew my mind, made me smile, made me cry, and made me promise to continually be a better Dad.

She goes by @nerdyapple and her blog is Nerdy Apple Bottom. She wrote about how her son chose to dress up likeDaphne from Scooby Doo. How her son felt apprehensive of judgement from his peers at school. The saddest part of the story was that it wasn't his peers, but MOTHERS that judged this young boy.

Young bullies bother me. Old bullies just flat out piss me off. How is it that parents who kno

w better still open their trap to spew filth towards kids? Cmon!!! It was for Halloween for petes sake!

anyways, back to her son. Even though he knew odds were he would receive some kind of torment, he was comfortable in his own skin and went on with the plan. This kid is a trooper to me. He's a Hero to me. Most importantly, he's an inspiration to me. So is his mom. S

he's a rockstar in my mind.

The title of her post is "My son is gay".

------------------------------------------------------------------

On another note, but similar to this story... My stepdaughter came out earlier this year. She was nervous about what her mom and I would think or say. In unison, my wife and I simply asked "are you happy?" Her answer was "Yes". "Ok then, that's all that matters". Here's a photo of Heather and I. I asked her to take a photo with me. She's not afraid to be who she is. if people don't like her, well, she knows how to handle that situation :)

Yeah we look like happy goofy goobers. I love her for all of who she is regardless of whether she is goofy or not. Whether she has a boyfriend or a girlfriend. She's a great kid and she loves her girlfriend. That's all that matters.

People have asked me since Heather came out if I would be bothered if my son were gay. um no. not at all. I would ask him the same exact thing I asked Heather. "are you happy?" YES. Ok then, I am happy too! Ian is my son. Being a Dad is simply the coolest job in the worl

d. If he married another man, that means I get to have another son! HELLOOOO what's better than one son? TWO!!!

This is us being goofy and saying hi to the camera earlier:

So parents: If you love your kids, who cares if they like boys or girls? Are they happy? Then its simple! IF they are happy, that is ALL THAT MATTERS. Love your kids regardless

of whether they are tall or short, thin or wide, pimples, no pimples, socially awkward, or a social butterfly. Love them from top to bottom inside & out. You do that, then you succeed at being a parent.

Again, MAJOR Kudos to @nerdyapple for raising a kid who knows what

unconditional love is. You've taught your child a lesson and as of last count on facebook, 148,000 others a great lesson.

Underdogs and Misfits

2010-11-04T11:12:00.000-07:00

I was born and raised on the west coast. In Northern California, Giants fans are prevalent without a doubt. However, Giants pride diminished over the past 15 years. I think it started with Will Clark leaving. He was the proverbial Giant in my eyes. He was a nice guy, a team player, and he also played the same position as me... First base.
But then, something bad happened... Barry Bonds showed up. Have you seen the before and after photos of him? When he played for the Pirates, he was a itty bitty thang. and after he stole the single season record and the all time HR record, he looks like one huge muscle with a tiny head on top.

Barry Bonds put such a bad taste in my mouth for not only the Giants, but baseball too. He cheated. There is no gray area here either. He took drugs that gave him an unfair advantage against those other players who stayed on the straight and narrow. Needless to say, I quit rooting for the Giants and quit watching baseball.

But then, something strange, unusual, and wonderful happened.... We have a long haired pitcher who wears a bow tie, and another pitcher who looks like Zach Galifianakis. Who would have thought that a bunch of misfits and underdogs would win the world series??? I won't lie and say I did.

BUT, somehow, they won. What was it? Teamwork? yep! Determination? yep! a team that wasn't tainted by steroids? OH YEAH!!!

Needless to say, I love baseball again, I love the Giants again. Maybe this time around, sports can gain they awesomeness by taking a good look at who the Giants are and why they won. Now the wait until the next season starts. Until then, enjoy watching football basketball, and hockey! Go Kings! GO Sharks! eh crap, go... niners and raiders? Sigh

Bullying, Self Worth, and It Gets Better

2010-10-13T02:43:00.000-07:00

Underdog- a person who is expected to lose in a contest or conflict.

a victim of social or political injustice: The underdogs were beginning to organize their protests.

the competitor least likely to win a fight or contest

a person in adversity or in a position of inferiority

Ever felt like an underdog? Ever felt like giving up? Ever felt like the whole world is against you? ever felt like the target of someones' aggression?

My answers: Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes.

I've always felt like an underdog. Like a Rudy. No matter how hard I try, sometimes, I feel like a "cantgetright" that nickname by the way, was given to me while in the Navy. The Navy made me strong, but there was a time when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore. There was a time that I was five feet away from the edge of the flight deck looking over the edge thinking to myself, just a few more steps and all this pain and anguish goes away. I have felt like completely giving up and giving in before.

I've felt that no matter how hard I try to please everyone and myself, I always fall short. I've felt as if no matter how hard I try to make something work, it is destined for failure. That while the rest of the world is just smooth sailing, I'm stuck in the middle of the Perfect Storm.

I've been the target of bullies before. From the guy in high school PE who kept dunking me underwater and causing me to believe I was going to drown. To the guy who was the star football player who threw apples and oranges at me, who went out of his way to punish me for not being like him. I've been verbally bullied for having a gut, having pimples, and not wearing the "cool" clothes.

Now, I have my stepson who is the victim of bullies. last night, he told me about what has been going on in junior high. how 4 boys teamed up on him, shoved him to the ground, and shoved their crotches in his face. How another boy at school comes up to him every day from behind and chokes him till he thinks he can't breathe anymore. Is your blood boiling yet? It should be. Here's the punishment the boys got: a warning. a slap on the wrist. a "don't be bad to him anymore". GREAT.. Absofuckinglutely fabulous! Now those boys will come at him with a vengeance. Thank God i'm here to console this poor kid because I've been there before. I've endured the sadness, the feeling of helplessness, the despair. I'm here to make sure that he is protected. I'm here to make sure that the underdog prevails.

I say all this to bring to the light a few things I have witnessed recently that actually give me hope and encouragement. First off is the Self Worth Project. This project has only been on facebook for a week. It is helping people face their fears, their insecurities, their perceived shortcomings. And in facing it, they are slapping the ugly off those fears, insecurities, and shortcomings. When I first found this page, I read, and cried. I was so happy to see something like this to help people become stronger in themselves and more confident. Please, take a moment and go check it out. I promise you won't regret it.

Second is the sad reality of bullies in school. from grammar to middle to high school to college. Bullies are so prevalent today that it has become an epidemic. kids nowadays aren't being bullied for simple not fitting in. Its due to ignorance of difference. Black, White, Brown, blue eyes, red hair, physical traits, and then also on lifestyles. The harassment that people shell out because someone is attracted to the same sex, beliefs, morals, you name it! Unfortunately, it took a young man killing himself to bring this horrible reality to light. The It Gets Better Project has become the haven for people of all backgrounds, sexual preference, and ethnicities. This is the light at the end of a VERY long tunnel for those who are persecuted every single day.

and Lastly, last night, I attended a vigil that was put on by the RBHS GSA. I recorded some video of the kids and the teacher who are part of this group. If you can take a few minutes to watch the video and share it with someone who might benefit from watching it, I would appreciate it! These kids are the future of our nation. I'm proud of them for what they did and hope to help them in any way possible.

Here's a song that helped me get through much strife and difficulties when feeling like an underdog. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TNxLBDrhkA

Bullies be gone! Kindness and love be spread to all! Underdog FTW!

Reunions, Doors closing and doors opening

2010-09-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I had my ten year reunion. I posted on facebook that I was apprehensive about going because of the torment that a few bullies had on me in school. I was apprehensive about going because there were people there who I really REALLY had no care to see whatsoever. Ten years wasn't enough time to heal the wounds that had been created by some really horrible excuses for human beings. I wasn't ready to forgive them, I wasn't ready to see them, and I certainly wasn't ready to put up with any more crap they had to throw at me.

That was the evening before my reunion. I told my wife, mom, and aunt (all 3 women who I can confide in and get an honest response from), that I was starting to think I didn't want to go. Thankfully, the 3 of them told me to pull my head out of my ass and go. I thankfully had friends from school chime in as well and tell me they weren't going to see those people who they didn't like. they were going to see the people who they WANTED to see.

So I started thinking about it, and I came up with the mantra that I was going to be around people who wanted me to be around and who I wanted to be around. I was going to form friendships that never got the chance in high school, and I was going to forgot those ding dongs who needed to be forgotten.

The short story is that I didn't see anyone I didn't want to see. I saw those who I wanted to see, I completely forgot about those who needed to be forgotten and most importantly, started some friendships that never got the chance in high school.

My reunion was the beginning of a new stage of life but I just didn't know it yet. On Oct 1st, the Non Profit I had been working for over the past two years announced it was going out of business. Suddenly, I found myself unemployed and scared to death. But as the title of this post says, there was an open door. So, off to the world of the unknown I go. Small business owner now, I'm self employed and working my tail off to make it work. I will keep everyone updated as things progress.

Thanks for stopping by!

new chapter

2010-09-26T23:13:00.000-07:00

The end of this LONG weekend is drawing to a close. We moved to a new house this weekend. I'm pretty sure even a fifteen hour massage wouldn't work out the aches and pains my body is having. However, it is for the better for our family and that is what makes me happy. Moving to a new house is kind the 2nd part of a new chapter for me. Last weekend was my 10 year reunion. so last weekend, party like a rockstart, this weekend move like a family man.

This week hasn't been easy either. The non profit organization I work for has been warring with our landlord for the past 6 months. we had court a week and a half ago and it didn't turn out in our favor. So, as I always do when I have 50 billion things running through my head... I sit down, think, then type.

First off, my reunion: I've never hid the fact that there were many people who made life difficult in one way or another in high school. I joked that those who made me so miserable were the kind of people who if they were on the roadside dying of thirst, I wouldn't even piss down their throat. Yeah, there were some who just plain sucked! For the past ten years, I've been plotting how I would show up to my reunion and have the last laugh. Well, that wasn't what happened. I posted on Facebook the day before that I was apprehensive about attending. Sure I wanted to see friends from High School that I hadn't seen in ten years. But in the back of my mind were those jerks who tormented me as if it were a pro sport. I am thankful and lucky enough to have some awesome friends who spoke up and told me to knock it off. SOOOO.... I changed my mind about my mindset for the reunion. I figured.. no, Chose to approach my reunion like this: I will go and be around those who I appreciate and who appreciate me. I will go and hope to form friendships that never got the chance in high school, and I will forget those who need to be forgotten. OH.MY.GOD. How much of a difference that made everything! The end story, I hung out with people that I missed dearly and hadn't talked to or seen in years. I was able to start a few friendships that never started in high school, and I totally forgot about those who needed to be forgotten. Of course, I got the look from a few people that implied "oh mah god its JD" but ya know what? They can piss off! Ah, all better now.

OK, on to the moving part of the story.... Short story actually... MOVING SUCKS!!!! BUT, the new house is awesome. good neighborhood, awesome layout, and a fresh start for my family and I. Not a lame house that was poorly made and poorly planned out. definitely NOT the $700/month PG&E bill, and absolutely not a landlord like we had. Yes, this new house we plan to buy next year.

And thirdly, the Non Profit.... will I have a job in 30 days? not sure. Am I stressed? Of course I am. However, I will continue to bust my butt as I always have. I will make sure that if we close down, my clients will have a place to live. and maybe the burden of worrying all the time will go away.

In the meantime, I will be working on my small business with my business partners and continue to help small businesses. as they say "when one door closes, another will open". And if that strategy doesn't work, I may have to throw a rock through a window to get in.

At this point though, Things are as they should be and are just starting to get better.

I hope everyone has a great week!

I will Never Forget!

2010-09-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be nine years since the worst attack on United States soil occurred. It is a somber day for our nation. With everything going on in our nation, we need to stop, take a pause, remember where we were, who we were with, and how much blood, sweat, tears we shed when we first heard about this. We must remember the lives that were given... no, Taken on that day and every day since then.

Whether you agree or disagree with the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, take a moment and thank a Veteran or Servicemember that is still alive. Take a moment to thank those that paid the ultimate sacrifice for our nation. Take a moment to say a prayer for those who lost someone, say a prayer for our soldiers, sailors, and airmen who are still in this battle.

As for me, I still remember it as if it were yesterday. I was returning from a Western Pacific Deployment on the USS Cleveland LPD-7. Our ship was between Hawaii and San Diego. We had Tigers (friends and family of those on the ship who boarded in Hawaii to ride with us to San Diego) on board and that day we were about to have an awards ceremony. Our Captain was known for being early to everything. at least 15-20 minutes early. As such, we had been on the flight deck since around 0715. the ceremony was to start at 0800. 0800 came and left. 0815 came and left. around 0830, our captain came on the 1MC (shipboard PA System) and told our crew that the ceremony was going to be postponed because there had been a terrorist attack on our nation in New York. He dismissed us and we all made our way to berthing areas, mess decks, anywhere that had a television. I remember watching a replay of the planes hitting and staring in disbelief.

I would lie if I said I wasn't scared shitless. My mom was on board with us. Were we going to turn around and vanish from our family for months longer than we already had? was my mom going to worry herself to death at home while her only child went off to war? would I pay the ultimate price for my country? if I did, I would never know the joy of being a father, the joy of being married, and every other great experience I hadn't had the chance to enjoy yet?

on a lighter note, later that afternoon while I was on watch, my mom came up to the bridge where I was on the Helm steering the ship and asked to talk to the Captain. I knew this was either going to be either very very bad, or just BAD. The captain said of course, what's on your mind? She simply said "My only child is right there steering this ship. I taught him how to shoot and that's why he has expert ribbons for every gun he's shot in the Navy. If he's going to kill terrorists, they should be afraid of me, not him. If he's going there, so am I". That was the one and only time I ever saw my Captain speechless. He had the wisdom to say "Ma'am, while I can't keep you from showing up overseas, I can't bring you on the ship. but you scare me more than the terrorists do right now. If you taught him how to shoot, I know he will be just fine, the terrorists on the other hand, I don't think they will be as lucky." Damn, I love my mom!!!

The ironic part of this whole situation was the night before, we had what we call "Cinema at Sea". where we watch a movie from a projector on the flight deck. Wanna guess what the movie was? Yeah, Pearl Harbor.

The events that happened on that day have shaped the man I am today. I cherish everything I have, the problems in life aren't as bad as I see them, and every morning I wake up thankful that I am still alive, I now have been fortunate to know what being married to a wonderful woman is like, and I know the joy of being a Father. My mom isn't worried about her son dying in war, she can be a grandma, and I get to come home to my family every day from work.

However, there are thousands that never got that chance. To those, I am saddened to the core by that thought. To the Families who have lost someone I pray for peace in your family. To those that have paid the ultimate price for our nation, you will be forever in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless you and God Bless The United States of America!

give the Nice Guy a chance

2010-09-07T14:20:00.000-07:00

Something has been bothering me lately... I've been hearing stories of ladies having crappy boyfriends, either just not being around, being unfaithful, abusing them mentally and physically and so on. I also keep hearing and seeing people talk about how they are done with the jerks...

OK, I will bite... What will these ladies do when they find a Nice Guy? Will they toss them aside because suddenly they have a man who is willing to fall madly in love with them? Will they return to the bad boy because of the drama that ensues? is it the "danger" of being hurt mentally or physically by the bad boy? What is it? Really I am lost here!!!!

Let me try to set a few things straight:

the Nice Guy isn't whipped. He is head over heels for the woman he is with.

He isn't the guy who sleeps around and breaks your heart. He's the one who is there to be a shoulder to cry on whenever you need it.

He isn't weak because he isn't aggressive. That's not his style. His style is kind, caring, compassionate, and strong when you need him to be strong. He doesn't care for fighting in any way, however, he will most likely break some dudes neck if he tries to get violent with a lady (any lady for that matter)

What you perceive as clingy is just what he knows as being loving. The "just because starbucks" be brought to you at work.... That's not him trying to keep tabs on you. It's him showing how much he cares in small ways that mean a lot.

His ability to show his affection isn't him being needy, clingy, or whipped. It is a conscious decision to show love regardless of whether it will be reciprocated or not (because lord knows he's done this many times and not even received a thank you)

Lastly, odds are the Nice Guy hasn't had as much dating experience as the bad boy because we aren't interested in a one night stand or a "fling". We want the real thing and more often than not, we are put into the friend category instead of dating material category. So give us the chance to be a boyfriend not just a friend.

These are just a few of the things I've noticed recently. Nice guys have been knocked down, stepped on, dumped on, used and abused, and neglected. Yet we come back for more because we know that the only way to be in a relationship is to jump in with both feet in the deep end and go all out. A relationship that only has half the effort put into it isn't worth it to us. We are all or nothing and the only thing we ask in return is the same effort.

If you are a fellow Nice Guy, what has happened to you in past relationships? Did you choose to stay the nice guy course or not and why?

Missing my Grandma

2010-09-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

Today, My mom called me to tell me she had some items that my Grandma had left for me that she had found while preparing for a yard sale. I knew my grandma collected coins and I figured that would be cool to go through. I found rings, watches, cufflinks from my grandpa, tie clips, you name it, I found all sorts of cool stuff.

But then I found the greatest treasure of all. A letter my grandma had written to a gentleman asking for help in keeping a part of her town in good shape and explaining that she had poured her heart, mind, body, and soul into. countless hours she devoted, and she was never afraid to ask someone for donations to help things go along.

I wasn't even a few paragraphs into the letter before I realized this was a part of my grandma I never knew. This philanthropic woman who raised money for MS, community events, and gave of herself for the betterment of the town she lived in. To show how resourceful she was, the letter was even written on a paper place mat that you would see in a diner or small restaurant.

Even now, almost 12 years since she passed away, her Legacy continues on with little bits of wisdom here and there for me. I told my mom that the most valuable possession I have from my grandma was the cribbage board that I used to play against my Grandma on. I still remember the first time I skunked her :) Also the skip bo decks that we used on many many different occasions and the uno deck we used as well. My favorite times with my Grandma were those simple times, just her and I, playing cards and her sharing stories with me.

I'm missing my grandma something fierce today. She taught me many lessons when she was alive, and she taught me another lesson this evening. I only wish I could have had more time to listen and learn. I don't have any grandparents left sadly. However, to this day if I have the chance to listen to someone who is an elder, I close my mouth, and sit and smile and listen. Of times that were simpler. Of times when neighbors were next door and not across the world but right next to you on the internet. Of times when Family was gathered at the dinner table. talking about the day, hardships, lessons, and laughter.

If you still are lucky to have grandparents, give them a call or stop by and cherish the time you have with them. I love you Grandma! See you someday up above!

His Legacy and My Legacy

2010-08-29T16:14:00.000-07:00

I just read an article from Chris Brogan about his Legacy, and the Legacy of those who he has talked to. You can read the article HERE.

It got me to thinking.... What do I want my legacy to be? I spent four years in the Navy, so I hope a small part of that is about when our ship won a soccer tournament and I was the coach. Maybe about the deployments I did in 2001 and 2003. Maybe about being a Veteran and getting involved with Veterans and helping out where I can.

Or maybe it would be about being raised in the church and volunteering my time when I was in my teens to the community. Maybe as an adult working for a Non Profit Organization for the Mentally Ill and being an advocate for my clients.

But it really got me to thinking about my family. It got me to thinking about being raised by a single mom. I spent summers with my dad but for the most part, my mom played the role of "Fadre" (Father and Madre). It got me thinking about how growing up has impacted the man I am today and what I value.

Growing up, I was really active in soccer and baseball. My dad made a few of my little league games, but never made it to one of my soccer games. His reason: He didn't like soccer. yeah, ouch. He made it to my jr. high school graduation but not my high school graduation. I was happy my mom and family were there, but I cried when I realized he wasn't there.

I had to learn how to shave on my own, I learned about girls from playboy cuz my poor mom didn't know how to talk to me about the birds & the bees. Basically, I had to fumble my way around most things boys should have their dads teach them. I don't resent my dad for not being there for one reason.... It taught me that when I had kids, I wouldn't make the same mistakes he made.

This is the Legacy I want to have: I want to be known as the dad who is at every practice for whatever sport they are playing in. I want to be the dad who is at every event my child wishes me to be at. I want to be the dad who cries when my son goes off to his first day of school when I drop him off and choke back tears until he is out of the car and then I can go home and wail that my baby boy is growing up. I want to be the dad who is there. The one who is there the day he goes off to college or the military or whatever endeavor he chooses. I want to be the dad who gets to share a beer with his son when he turns 21 and also the one who wakes him up the next morning when he realizes that drinking isn't all its cracked up to be.

Additionally, I want to be known by my son as half of the team of Team Mom & Dad. I want my son to look at me and say "That is the husband I will be when I am older". I want my son to see how I care about others and give of myself to help people and the community we live in. I want my son to know what being a Chivalrous Man is all about. I want my son to see me open doors for my wife, my elders, and generally for any stranger out there. I want him to see me pull a chair out for my wife, see me do dishes, see me be fully involved in our house, and know that teamwork is what makes a house, family, and marriage flourish.

The most important Legacy I want is that I was a Loving Dad, Husband, and Man.

What do you want your legacy to be?

Thanks to Chris Brogan for the inspiration!

How important are good teachers?

2010-08-27T09:22:00.001-07:00

Here in California, the debate has been raging on and on about education. I am seeing great teachers losing the love of teaching. It is such a shame because I was VERY fortunate to have teachers that cared. In elementary school, in Jr. High, and High school. Some teachers knew when I needed a swift kick to the ass, while others knew that I just needed to be reminded of the potential I had.

I was lucky enough to find some of these teachers on Facebook. Some I haven't found, but they need to be mentioned too.

My Spanish Teachers probably had one of the largest impacts on me because they truly loved what they were teaching, and it showed.

My first spanish teacher Senorita Amy was the one who first showed me how awesome language and culture were. She knew when I needed help, and when I needed to fumble my way around and learn on my own.

My second and third year of Spanish, I had Senora Netterville and Senor Hassay. They shared the class and it was awesome going from fundamentals to culture and meshing the two together. While Mr. Hassay always made fun of me and called me "Joto De" instead of "Jota De" (first means Gay D, second means JD.) I would always call him Senor Gris (Mr. Gray cuz he had gray hair.) I still learned a lot in both of those classes and again, when I needed to be reminded of my potential, they made sure I was aware of what I was able to do. I really cannot thank these three teachers enough for how much they taught me. Every job I have been hired for was thanks to my ability to speak Spanish and English.

Mr. Bauer was our Economics teacher. Yes, this subject alone could but even the most hyperactive child to sleep... in seconds. However, Mr. Bauer had a great approach. include anecdotal parts in with mundane content, and you have a shot of getting the message across. Except, Mr. Bauer took it one step further. Each week before a test, our class would receive a letter from his Aunt Gussie from Tuscaloosa, and would talk about the content from the previous week. It made us laugh, but it helped us learn. But the one part that stood out to me the most was when it came time to take our Senior Portraits. I had a dilemma... I had no neckties to my name. Didn't know how to tie one to save my life, and I was about to be the one guy who didn't have a tie for his picture. In comes Mr Bauer with his collection of Ties for any of the guys to use if we didn't have one. He found one that matched my shirt, and saved the day. I am still grateful for the kindness he showed to everyone.

These are just a few of the Teachers who made a difference to me, and I hope that any student is lucky enough to have teachers like these. I am planning on sharing some other great teachers along the way. If you have an educator who you would like to say thanks to, please feel free to comment!

Show some love!

2010-08-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

To all the Nice Guys and Nice Gals out there, Take a few minutes today to tell that person you care about that you love them. It's really a simple concept: to say "I Love You". However, sometimes even the most caring of people can forget to say those three small but important words.

Whether it be a love note, a bouquet of flowers, some chocolates, bringing starbucks for no reason at all, or just calling and saying "Hi, hope your day is well, and btw, I LOVE YOU!" Really, it can change someone's day completely.

We get so wrapped up in our own world that we can forget about the small stuff. I remember when my wife and I were married, someone wrote on our picture frame that the best way to keep a marriage alive is to talk, talk some more, keep talking, then talk some more. It really is true! we've started talking a lot more and lemme tell ya, talking with the person you love is a wonderful thing!

We talk about plans for the future, what is on our minds, what is troubling us at work, at school, and at home. And whaddya know... Talking leads to solutions. It doesn't lead to arguments (well, maybe a heated debate, but not screaming and yelling). Talking together helps you become closer, and also makes you more of a team. And when you are a team, any obstacle seems so much smaller.

I remember one of the first projects my wife and I did... We tore the carpeting out of our old house in one weekend. We busted our butts, but was had a lot of fun doing it together. We talked while we were pulling tacks and staples out of the floor, we talked when we took a break, and sometimes we would just... talk.

So this weekend, take a break from whatever you are doing, pull your partner in, give em a big smooch, hug them, tell them you love them, and sit down and talk for a while. Its amazing what can happen from there!

I know I plan on snagging my lovely wife whenever I can and looking her in the eye and telling her that I cherish her, love her, adore her, and am a VERY lucky man to be married to her!

Have a great weekend and Happy Talking!

#followfriday women I admire

2010-08-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

When I consider following someone on Twitter, I think of a couple things.

Content- is it a person or a machine putting out ads? Person, on the right course. machine... no thanks.

Who the person is- Character is something I hold in high regard. It's a quality I cherish when I find it. If they are fighting for a great cause or have a story to tell, I will sit and listen and read all day long.

Now, people who cuss do not bother me really. a couple ladies on my list... well, they hold no punches. The really cool thing though; even tho they may have the ability to make a sailor blush, they are also some of the sweetest, strongest, most caring women I've ever met. They are women who I admire because they are someone who I would go to war for if they ever needed it. So, without further ado, here we gooooooo

Two ladies come to mind when I read the above words: Tracy Lynn Proffer and Chris Miss. Do they curse? YES. Are they women of character? YES! are they also some of the sweetest women i've ever encountered? YES!! and lastly, are they the strongest women I've ever met? You bet your sweet ass!!!! Chris.. She's kicked cancers ass twice. and if I could have a pinch of the strength she has, I'd be superman without a doubt. Tracy has beaten cancer more times than I can count. She's faithful to her friends and family. I draw inspiration from her every day. These two women really make me appreciate life and do my best to find inspiration in every way possible.

Pamala goes by the handle on Twitter of @tormentedone. She is an eternal supporter of troops and veterans. She makes me proud to be a Veteran all the time.

And lastly, two ladies by the name of Norissa Harman and Jenifer Lemke Adams started up Girls With Guns last year. Since then, they have been going full tilt boogie and building a business that has an AWESOME story behind the name. It started a few years ago when starting up an all womens shooting competition. It was named Shoot for a Purpose. The site says "Their primary focus is to Women's Health Issues here in the north state and to support the amateur sport of Women's Sporting Clays" And then the idea of women shooting high powered rifles took off. Now they have a fan page on facebook, a twitter account, and are having their product placed all over the United States. Really, these two ladies bust their butt to raise money and awareness, and I'm grateful for the ability to say I know these two ladies and have met them in person many times. Many men around here have said that if they don't kill you with their good looks and great personality, well... their guns can.

So here's to this weeks #Followfriday "Women I Admire" They are some of the coolest, kindest, and most awesome women I know. I am a very lucky man to have crossed their paths. Swing over and say hi to them. I hope they enrich your life as much as they have mine.

Lastly, I can never forget to mention my lovely wife @angieiiams and my awesome mom @rb_madre. I've said it before and I will say it a million times again (and to steal a quote from the movie As Good As It Gets), my mom and wife truly make me want to be a better man.

Have a great weekend everyone!

attitude of gratitude

2010-08-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

Well hello everyone! Today has been a rather awesome day. Nothing that happened to me per se. But something that I did for others. Today, I went around to people that have had an impact on me either In Real Life, or on social media. I simply said "thank you for being you", "thank you for your words", "you are an asset to the community", etc. To be honest, it felt SOOOO good. On facebook today, each time I wrote on someone's wall to thank them, it sparked conversation after conversation. It made peoples' day so far as I could tell.

Switching gears a little... I don't do #followfriday or #ff for the simple reason that it isn't effective anymore. There's too much quantity and to little quality. Many users of twitter have started to do a followfriday list or they blog about the people and why. Today, I would like to mention some of the people that I truly enjoy interacting with on Twitter.

1) I'm a rather smart guy, so my first mention is of course my lovely wife @angieiiams. She truly adds value to those she interacts with on Twitter. I love how she interacts with anyone and everyone. She doesn't discriminate either. If you are good people, she's all about having a conversation with you.

2) One of the guys I always enjoy interacting with is Joseph Ranseth. his handle is @josephranseth. He's just a helluva cool guy. He interacts with everyone who talks to him.

3)One of the ladies who I have learned much about in regards to Twitter and other forms of Social Media is Michele Price. She goes by @Prosperitygal She leads a once per week chat session on twitter called Social Media Manners. You can search older chats by the hashtag #socialmediamanners and current chats by #SMManners. She's actually the one who inspired me to try each day to find five people and validate them in some manner. Not a dinky Hey, how's it goin? but a "Hi, I appreciate you, you matter to me".

4) In my eyes the most patriotic person on twitter who has a large following is Sarah Marshall. She goes by @americanwomannn. She is the creator of the #hunkalert and #babealert. While this may sound funny, She actually has a sub category for active duty, veterans, and retired veterans. I have been on there a couple times. I was honored to be on that list. But most importantly, she has taken the time to support our troops constantly. She's truly a blast to chat with!

5) The person who I have taken many pointers from is Phil Gerbyshak. He goes by @philgerb. He used to write for a blog called the Slacker Manager. Now, he is doing his own thing. His blog is located HERE and his website is located HERE. I have picked his brain on issues about being a better manager, a better boss, a better leader, better in the world of Social Media, and being better in relationships. He's a Navy Veteran, and an all around AWESOME guy.

6) rounding out some of the people for this followfriday is Dabney Porte. She goes by @divacoachdabney. you can check out her site HERE. She's a coach for women who have gone through divorce, and she engages her followers all the time and she BUILDS relationships. She participates in the #SMManners chats as well.

I follow all of these people and enjoy talking to them thoroughly. They understand what Social Media is all about. They understand what relationships are all about. These are the people I interact with and worth the follow.

The importance of wisdom

2010-07-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

Posted May 2nd, 2010

So, today I finished the most difficult block of classes I've ever taken. More difficult than training to shoot in the Navy, more difficult than learning how to fuel a ship in the middle of the ocean 300 ft apart and transferring 300K gallons of fuel for our ship.

Today, as I looked back over the past 9 weeks of hell... I mean math, I realized that how I approach school is NOT the way I approach business and leadership. Which is a problem for me. I am a firm believer in the "6 P's of success". Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Production. courtesy of Don Hislop (my history teacher in high school). Well, this math class I should have followed those 6 P's better. I will pass the class... barely.

Here's what I learned that translates directly to being a leader in your company:

1. patience. This is probably the most vital part of any repertoire for a leader. Having patience in front of clients and employees shows confidence. It shows your staff that when times get tough, you as a leader becomes more focused. Not angry (at least visibly), not frantic, but cool, calm, and collected. Employees appreciate this in a leader. It shows them that they need to follow suit and that running around like a chicken with their heads cut off gets noresults.

2. Perserverance. The ability to "keep on keeping on". More often than not during the past 9 weeks, I was ready to pull out my hair. I knew that if I just threw my hands in the air and said "I can't do this", then honestly, I wouldn't be able to finish the class. When in a leadership position, showing people that even when good ol Mr Murphy sticks his nose in our business and tosses a wrench in there, we can still move on shows clients and employees that your resolve is rock solid. Hopefully then encouraging them to keep on even when they feel as if they are defeated.

3. The end result isn't always indicative of the effort put in. While in this math class i'm going to barely get a passing grade, it isn't for lack of HOURS behind the computer and countless trees cut down in my attempt to scribble down problems and solve them. I worked my ass off during this class. the grade I get is not indicative of the effort I put in. Same in business. Sometimes, projects fail. that brings on the last item.

4. Failure is not fatal. A favorite author of mine is Richard Marchinko. He was a Navy Seal for most of his career. He lead many groups into battle and in my opinion, is the epitome of a leader. His best quote is "I will not punish you for making mistakes, I will punish you for NOT learning from mistakes" I've coached, I've been a leader in business, I was a leader for a group of young men in the Navy. WE ALL make mistakes. Its what we do when those mistakes happen that sets us apart.

Lastly, being a leader isn't about being perfect. However as a leader we need to strive for perfection every day. We will never be perfect, but as long as we give it our all, that's all anyone could ask for.

Legal, Logical, Ethical

2010-07-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

Posted April 1th, 2010

These are the three words I tell my staff when making a decision regarding anything about our Non Profit Organization. These are words that every manager should tell their staff. Today, I saw one of the best examples of doing the Ethical and Logical thing. The legal thing isn't pertinent in this particular post.

There are two movie theatres in my area called Prime Cinemas Anderson and Red Bluff. They have a fan page onFacebook for both of their theaters. The management at Prime Cinemas chose to warn parents that the movie"Kick Ass" wasn't really a movie for those under the age of 18. They urged parents to watch the movie first before just dropping the kids off to see it.

Now, this may turn some parents away from allowing their kids to go see the movie. However, the most important thing that the management did was simply tell parents "Hey, we respect you as customers, and instead of having the kids pay money and then you parents get upset, we'd rather not make the sale and have happy customers". THAT my friends is the epitome of good business. I enjoy going to this theater in both Anderson and Red Bluff. The staff appear happy to be working their and I've never walked out saying to myself "I'll never come back". Rather I have always walked out of a movie looking at the rest of the movies that I want to come back and see. This business has my vote for customer service and professionalism every day of the week. Whether they are in a small town or a large city, their business ethics will keep them in business for a long time to come.

Here are the comments from this post:

Damen said...

Yeah, the theater in Anderson is awesome! And there are some movies that they have chosen to show there that no other theater in our area played! I think that the people in charge there are right on and I appreciate all they do!

APRIL 13, 2010 6:31 PM

Rod Hayes said...

As a former employee, I can vouch that the staff IS as happy to be there as you infer, and that the management does everything it can to ensure an honest relationship with the community. Very cool that you gave them some recognition

Nice manager or Mean manager?

2010-07-21T15:14:00.000-07:00

Posted February 22nd, 2010

So, you just got promoted and your prior peers now see you as a boss, but still one of them huh? Two words to sum up this situation? IT SUCKS. Ok, there, got it out of the way.

It's never easy being the boss when it involves people you once called peers or co workers. Some might say "I know more than you and YOU got the promotion". Well, if you do know more, how come I got it and you didn't? or "You just got the promotion because you know how to kiss ass". OK, let's go with that one for arguments sake. IF I did know how to brown nose, it would only get me so far. IF I did brown nose, who was doing the work? and if your answer is "well, I guess you were doing the work but that means you were brown nosing" then, obviously someone has some green eyed issues. And the best response is this: Why should YOU have this job over ME? Odds are, most people just want to see their lips flapping but don't think about when someone will call them on it.

I experienced all of these things when I got a promotion in the Navy. The guys I used to work side by side with were now working for me. Another person got a promotion at the same time as me but we had drastic differences in our leadership styles. His was the coffee cup claw and a pointed finger like this:

You see, I was never a fan of the wagging finger when I was part of the gang that was getting down and dirty. I was never a fan of the boss who would micro manage us to death. I wasn't a fan of the boss who would whip us constantly to get a project done and then take all of the credit for the job well done. I also wasn't a fan of the manager who barked orders and automatically thought they were gods gift to the world. With that being said, here's what I was a fan of....

My approach was more like this:

I was ALWAYS a fan of the boss who would help out and get dirty (when they needed to) OR stayed away and let us do our job. I was a fan of the boss who when received accolades said something along the lines of "well sir/ma'am, without my team, it wouldn't have gotten done." I was a fan of the boss who sure deserved the promotion but didn't wave it around saying "Look at me, I'm important". They kept doing their job and let me do mine at the same time.

So here's my two cents on the nice manager or mean manager.... If you got the promotion, Congratulations! now get back to work. Remember that your team is what makes YOU better. It behooves you to have a team that is aspiring to have your job (because they made you look good and got another promotion and promoted one of them along the way). If your team wants to butt heads with you time and time again, call a timeout and ask them directly "What do I do that makes it difficult to work together?" or ask your entire team "On a scale of 1-10, rate me. If You don't give a 10, what can I do to make it so?" This strategy kills three birds with one stone. You get a depiction of what your team thinks about you, how to make it better, and a team that realizes you want to be better for them.

So when confronted with that time when your staff seems to be butting heads with you think about this: If you are a jerk, will they respond in the same manner? If you act politely and with respect, will they return the favor? Is this disagreement worth the time and energy? is the "Juice worth the squeeze?" and ultimately this is the best rule. YOU are the boss. You do get paid more to be the boss. That means making the hard choices. But you can still make the hard choices and still be the Nice Manager.

Remember, you can attract more flies with honey than vinegar.