the Yin #parenting #joy

This morning I was blessed to have the chance at helping out the local Special Olympics. When I was in Jr. High and High School, I was able to help out Developmentally Disabled kids on a regular basis. I was able to come to their classroom, play games, go for walks, and just spend some quality time with them.

I remember how much it would anger me when other kids would make such horrible remarks towards these kids. I remember how they would mock them with their words and actions. Most importantly, I remember the unconditional love and forgiveness that permeated from their body. No matter how many taunts, jokes, pranks, or mean words were slung at them, they went about their day loving every person that came across their path.

I remember the first time I realized how jealous I was of these kids. I was jealous because they somehow neglected to notice those foul beings who made fun of them. I was jealous that these kids were able to love any and every person with whom they met. I remember wishing that I could have that ability.

Today, I got to spend a couple hours helping put on the hoop shoot and soccer shoot booth for the Elks Lodge. I got to see at least a thousand smiling faces having the times of their lives. I got to celebrate something that I take for granted on a regular basis. I was able to shoot the basketball and kick the soccer ball with all of these kids, high five them every time they shot the ball or kicked it. I found myself on more than a few occasions choking up a little bit because I was reminded that there are people in the world who are pure of heart, who only want to love. I was shown that there is joy in everything in life. I saw a community of people who love each other and only want the best for each other.

I watched this video a couple years ago. I remember crying so hard because I've seen people act the same way as described and I didn't stand up or say anything. I cried because I didn't defend the defenseless. Take 5 minutes and watch this video. I promise it will be worth your while.

Bullies and How I made it out alive

With it being 12 years since the tragic events at Columbine, there have been 46 more school shootings world wide. I was the victim of bullies for most of my school years from 6th grade till high school graduation. I felt some extremely low points during that time. I didn't have many high points... but I made it out alive. I wrote this note months ago and shared it on Facebook. I can only hope that any kids out there feeling as if they are being bullied can read this and hopefully find some strength. If any of them ever need an ear to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or a back to share the burden, I am here. email me at justin.iiams@gmail.com Here's the note:

This topic of bullies has been one of the biggest sorrows and burdens my entire life. This past month has brought all of the memories from my past to the surface and I've had to painfully remember them and use those memories to talk to those around me who are or have been bullied. being called every cruel term about pimples to having a gut. to not wearing the "cool clothes" to smelling like cigarettes because my mom and grandma smoked in the house. to not fitting in and not being accepted for who I was. From the jackass who tormented me every chance he got in high school to the guy who repeatedly tormented me in the pool during PE. The girls who would laugh at me and wouldn't give me the time of day. the ones who looked at me as if I were a Leaper and would give them a disease if they talked to me or had to sit next to me. High school in a nutshell was a nightmare. the football player who was coach johnsons' pride and joy who threw apples and oranges at me, who shoved me into lockers, called me every horrible name he could think of, and made it his life's mission to make me miserable. from pantsing me every chance he got and calling me needle dick whenever there was a group of girls around. He was there to make sure I was the one who was laughed at when there were plenty of people to laugh at me with him.

Yeah, i hated high school. I hated the teachers that didn't listen, I hated the students that laughed at me, i hated those who took it upon themselves to make sure I was as unhappy as possible. What goes through the mind of a kid who is bullied? first, sadness. second, hatred. third, self doubt. fourth, more hatred. fifth, depressing/anxiety/rage. see the pattern? with each and every time that someone is bullied, their rage grows. What happens if that rage doesn't have an outlet? mayhem. That kid who was bullied incessantly finally cannot take it anymore and does one of two things. They take their life, or the life of another. How do I know? I fantasized about the revenge I wanted. it consumed me. All I could think about was the vengeance that I would have one day. The day that I wasn't paying attention and I was hit with an apple in the head from across the classroom and the teacher did NOTHING. What did I have planned at that point? I packed my backpack, I went to my car, I went home, grabbed a baseball bat, and started driving back to school. I was going to make sure that the pain I felt both physically and mentally would be transferred back to this guy. I got back to school and sat in my car for what felt like hours. I cried. I cried hard. Who had I become? This person with so much rage I wanted to cause physical harm to another person? It scared the hell out of me. long story short, I chose NOT to take out my rage on him. Call it a miracle of God, call it a turning point, call it whatever you want. I somehow became the exception. I chose not to hurt another human being.

So, How did I make it out alive? 8 people come to mind apart from my family. Eddie Henderson, Heidi Henderson, Jennifer Morris, Jesse Morris, Daryl Jones, Jenny Jones, Jim Monck, and Sharon Monck, and Bev Kelley. These were all people that were either a pastor, youth pastor, or leader and role model to me. These were people that accepted me completely. pimples, gut, and awkwardness, and everything else. They made me feel as if I belonged. I gradually BELIEVED that I belonged. Eddie, Jesse, and Daryl kept me on the straight and narrow and the wonderful women were the shoulder I needed to share my burdens with. I can confidently say that without them, I don't know if I would be here today.

Thank you Eddie, Heidi, Jennider, Jesse, Daryl, Jenny, Bev, Jim, and Sharon for being there for me when I needed it. You have truly been a godsend to me in my life.

I learned one very important lesson in all of this: It will get better. maybe not today, or tomorrow, but it will get better. I promise.

The Nice Guy

P.S. do you have a story similar to this? Were you the bully and changed your ways? Share in the comments section and let the world know that Bullies will not be tolerated anymore!

GOD I hate bullies! #parenting

Today I was minding my own business on my way to the post office to get the mail. I'm on the phone and I see a few cars in front of me slow down then keep going. to my right, I see a big boy... probably around 6'0 230 lbs wailing on the other kid who was MAYBE 5'4" and 120 lbs dripping wet. I roll the window down and tell them to knock it off. No stopping. I put the car in park, get out, and then pull the big boy off the little one. He was smart enough not to throw a punch but he was certainly considering it. I tell the kid being beat up to get on out of there and I would handle "Tubs" (as I affectionately called him after he got lippy).

SO, little kid starts walking off and then Tub's friends start mouthing off "Hey, why the fuck do you care?!?!" Let's see.... I was that kid less than 15 years ago. The memories are still VERY clear to me. The memories of being bullied. the memories of having the ever loving dog shit beat out of me are still VERY vivid to me. While your buddy was beating the hell out of him (the little guy) you were watching and laughing. then your mouthy little girlfriend yelled "You're dead you little shit"... now, I see that as a valid threat So I got on the phone and called the police. The two little punks got in their beat up little rice burner car (but not before I got their license plate.. it's 5NKJ761 in case anyone wants to find out who owns it so I can call their parents btw).

While I was waiting for the police to show up, Tubs and his merry band of hoodrats kept slinging insults and threats at me. Unfortunately, they were all under age or I might be writing this blog from jail... that's another story.

SO, I think the day is over, broke up a fight, and did a good deed. hopefully the smaller boy won't have to deal with those bullies again. BUT WAIT, I WAS WRONG!!!!!

So Hoodrat 1 and Hoodrat 2 drive past me, and then proceed to follow me. for 30 minutes.... I called the police again and their response? "well sir, you can come to the police dept if you think they will follow you". Right, and Osama Bin Laden is gunna roll up to the white house and say "Hey Pres Obama, lets partay!". Sure.

So, I decide to slow down and let them drive up next to me. I say "Hello ladies, tell me, are either of you over the age of 18? because if you are, we'll park now and I'll teach you what it means to trifle with someone. Hell, I'll even let the two of you fight. so long as I get to record it and post it on youtube after I've filed my report with the police department for harrasment and threats. Because i'm feeling generous, I will let you know this one thing: I am a Navy Veteran, I was bullied a lot in school, I have no patience or tolerance for bullies, and I will teach you both a lesson on picking on someone. just because there are two of you doesn't mean I won't beat the shit out of you. You will either learn today or another day that picking on someone doesn't do the world any good. now scamper along, go play xbox and talk shit to someone for fragging them in a make believe world where you think you are superior."

They promptly drove off after peeling out their tires while screaming expletives.

SO, here's what I learned today.....

Bullies need to have their asses handed to them for them to eventually realize the harm they are doing. case in point here:

As an adult, whether you have the time or not, whether you are late to work, or have the entire day to yourself... If you see someone being picked on or beaten up or being bullied... stop the damn car and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! By driving past events like these, you are passively condoning violence and bullies. Stand up for the little guy. I hear so many people talk about how they hate bullies, but they never do anything about it. Was there a chance Tubs and his 4 friends could have ganged up on me? Certainly! Would the kid who was being bullied gotten away? Yep. I am strong enough to take an ass whipping. But how about all those kids who have committed suicide because they weren't strong enough? If they would have seen just one person stand up for them, maybe they would see that they do have someone on their side.

thirdly, the police department is slooooooooooowwwwwww. I was no more than 4 blocks away from the RBPD when this happened. 15 minutes passed before a cop showed up. To say I was fairly disappointed in their *ahem* "timeliness" would be an understatement. and obviously, they have more important things to do... as to what, i'm not sure.

Fourth... a friend of mine said that a 1V1 fight is fair... sure, in MMA fights, Boxing, and other blood sports. Both people step into the ring knowing full well they are going to bash each others' brains in. but in this instance??? a kid twice the size of another? I can only guess by the few seconds of a fight that neither had formal training in fighting. so the argument that it was "fair" is invalid. There was nothing fair about this fight. it was a big boy picking on a little boy. that's not fair in my book.

and Lastly, I vow to ALWAYS stop when I see someone being picked on. Whether the bully is half my size or twice my size. If I get my ass beat in the process of defending someone who can't defend themselves... Those are bumps and bruises I'm willing to take on.

In this day & age, Bullies shouldn't be able to get away with things like this. The police department needs to round the kid up, and take them to Juvie. The schools need to stomp this incessant amount of bullying before it's too late for another child. If you ever pass by an event like the one today, you are just as guilty as the bully in my eyes.

Here's the the underdog! Here's to Rudy! Here's to all people who stand up against bullies and stand up to protect those who can't defend themselves.

Causes I support

I just don't know how to say it any other way. I'm working to become a well off guy with a great family. Along the way, I find myself giving whatever money I can to help organizations out. There are a few groups that hold a special place in my heart. They all belong to Homeless shelters for men, women, and children, Veterans, Organizations that help kids with terminal illness, and organizations that fight cancer and Breast Cancer especially.

on a side note.. I've been attending a Mastermind Group for the past month. I'm nearly done with my vision board. on there I wrote the following idea: 100K/50K. This year, I want to earn 100K. I also want to find a way to donate half of that to these organizations. I just added one mid way through this post that was 50%. I am hoping that I can get people to donate $25k to these organizations while I am donating my 50K. ok, back to the post.

SO, there I am driving down the road and I realize that one of my life's passions is to volunteer and help raise money for those in need. I've worked with the Mentally ill in Shasta County and when the non profit I worked for shut down, I've never felt so helpless in my life. I had to tll 17 people that I needed to help them find a new home. I hear most of them are doing well. That makes me happy. But there are still transitional housing programs that are certainly struggling. Many city and county governments cut funding for these programs first. Sad to say, but that's how it goes. SO, There is an organization here in Red Bluff called P.A.T.H. (Poor and The Homeless). Here is their website: www.redbluffpath.org. You can also click this link to donate: https://www.justgive.org/basket?acton=donate&ein=68-0465095

Next is The Alyssa Araiza Wings of Angels Organization. Such a great organization! If you go to their website, please have tissues handy. You'll need them. I had to change my shirt since I didn't have a hanky nearby.

Next is the Make a Wish Foundation. Really, I can't say enough about how much this organization rocks. I've been listening to their radiothon all day today. Listening to the stories of kids and their wishes. I pretty much gave up calling on potential customers because every time I got in the car, I found myself pulled over crying listening to the great stories told by parents siblings, and the kids who had wishes come true. If you have a spare ten dollars, please donate to them. I know how tore up I get when my son has an ear infection! I can't even being to try to imagine how these kids, parents, and siblings feel. All I know is I heard happy story after happy story today. I am heading over tomorrow to hand one of the radio DJ's a $50 bill to help out. Here's the link to donate: https://simplecheckout.authorize.net/payment/CatalogPayment.aspx

And lastly, my good buddy Pedro Perez and his wife Christy have two kids with Mitochondria. I will be honest, I can hardly understand what the hell this disease is. I do know this: Mitochondrial diseases can affect any organ in the body and at any age. I also know how many times Pedro and his wife have been in the ER trying to find out what is happening to their lovely kids. By the way, their kids are absolutely adorable. His son Ethan has the awesomest laugh that I've ever heard. It would be a sad day if that Laugh didn't permeate into the world anymore. SO, Now that you've donated to Make a Wish, PATH, and Wings of Angels, take your credit card one more time and click HERE.

If you only spent one dollar at each place. That's one coffee. Can you go without Starbucks or Dutch Bros or Java Detour for one morning? Can you skip McDonald's to help out? I am skipping fast food and coffee and sodas. That money alone should help me donate around $100 a month to all of these groups. So please, from me, my friends, those I've never met before, and millions who you or I will never meet face to face, I urge you to help out. Thank you.

The Nice Guy

being a REAL parent

First let me admit something... I watch entirely too much television. I need to attend a 12 step program or something. I don't always watch crap. last night I watched The Biggest Loser. I am often moved to tears while watching this show. I mean cmon it's meant to be inspirational.

Last night was a whole different ball game. I saw three parents choose to gain weight in order to keep their kids safe from elimination. I saw a son tell his dad "If I can ever be half the man you are, I am a success". I saw a father and mother fall on the sword to make sure their kids stayed at the ranch and further improve their health.

The job of a parent is to do whatever it takes (legally, morally, and ethically that is) to make sure their kids have a better life than we had. That means skipping the newest technology gizmo in order to pay for books or clothes or anything else that could better your child's life.

I was blessed to have a mom that did this exact thing for me growing up. She gave up things in order for me to have the necessities of life. and plenty of "extras" such as sporting equipment that was not cheap by any means. I am truly angered when I see a parent complaining about not being able to pay for a cap & gown for graduation, but they are able to go to the casino and gamble a couple hundred dollars away. Or smoke a pack a day and not think twice while their child is wearing clothes from last school year. I have been trying to quit chewing tobacco for a LONG time. UGH it's hard. The bottom line tho... IF I had to make a choice between sending my kids on a school trip/function/graduation trip and buying a can of chew? I would give it up in a heart beat!

Sadly, my dad didn't understand sacrifice for me. He was happy with his life and was OK with me visiting during the summer and showing up around my birthday and Christmas. that was about it. so Guys.... Here's my plea to you. If you have a child, for Gods sake! Quit being so damn selfish and get your kids what they need! Remember that YOU chose to bring a life into this planet. Remember that THEY come first in everything that you do.

OK, Off my soap box now. To the parents who understand selflessness, sacrifice, giving your kids better things than you had, teaching them value in what they have, My hat's off to you!

Tell me what you think. Should more parents take a lesson from The Biggest Loser?

What really pissed me off?

I found this email that I had printed out when I was in the Navy. I read it last weekend and then shared it as a note on Facebook. Then today, I found an article about a wounded soldier who was heckled at Columbia University while giving a speech in support of the ROTC. You can read the story HERE. I tell ya what, by the end of the story, I found my knuckles were white and my blood was boiling. OF COURSE the ritsy titsy rich parents don't want their kids to go to war or learn what it means to serve our country. OF COURSE they are against the war. OF COURSE they would say the military preys on low income families. What really pisses me off? The amount of federal funding that goes to Columbia. I don't know how much, but I am more than certain that they get money from the government. so these pansy ass students who are against the war want to rally and say things like "1 in 3 females in the military are sexually assaulted" But they failed to mention how many females are sexually assaulted on a college campus. hypocrisy much?!?!

Anyways, off my soap box. Here's the note I posted on Facebook. Tell me what you think about all of this.

"It could have been any night of the week, as I sat in one of those loud and casuel steak houses that are cropping up all over the country. You kjnow the type- a bucket of peanuts on the table, shells littering the floor, and a bunch of perky collee kids racing around with longneck beers and sizzling platters.

Taking a sip of my iced tea, I studied the crowd oer the rim of my glass. I let my gaze linger on a few of the tables next to me, where several uniformed military members were enjoying their meals. Smiling sadly, I glanced across my booth tothe empty seat where my husband usually sat. Had it only been a few weeks since we had sat at this very table talking about his upcoming deployment to the middle east? He made me promise to come back to this restaurant once a month, sit in our booth, and treat myself to a nice dinner. He told me that he would treasure the thought of me there eating a steak and thinking about him until he came home. I fingered the little flag pin I wear on my jacket and wondered where at that moment he was. Was he safe and warm? Was his cold any better? Were any of my letters getting to him? As I pondered all of these things, shrill feminine voices from the next booth broke into my thoughts.

"I don't know what Bush is thinking invading Iraq. Didn't he learn anything from his father's mistakes? He is an idiot anyway. I can't believe he is even in office. You know he stole the election"

I cut into my steak and tried not to listen as they began an endless tirade of running fown our president. I thought about the last night I was with my husband as he prepared to deploy. He has just returned from getting his smallpox and Anthrax shots and the image of him standing in our kitchen packing his gas mask still gave me chills.

once again, their voiced invaded my thoughts.

"Its all about oil you know. Our military will go in and rape and pillage and steal all the oil they can int he name of freedom. I wonder how many innocent lives our soldiers will take without a thought? It is just pure greed"

My chest tightened and I stared at my wedding ring. I could picture how handsome my husband was in his mess dress the day he slipped it on my finger. I wondered what he was wearing at that moment. He probably had on his desert uniform. Affectionately dubbed coffee stains, over the top of which he wore a heavy bulletproof vest.

"We should just leave Iraw alone. I don't think they are hiding any weapeons... I think it is all a ploy to increase the president's popularity and pad the budget of our military at the expense of social security and education. We are just asking for another 9/11 and I can't say when it happens again that we didn't deserve it"

Teir words brought to mind the war protesters I had watched gathering outside our base. Did no one appreciate the sacrifice of brave men and women who leave theirhomes and family to ensure our freedom? I glimpsed at the tables around me an saw the faces of some of those courageous men. Looking sad as they listened to the ladies talk.

"Well, I for one, think it is a travesty to invade Iraw and I am certainly sick of our tax dollars going to train professional baby killers we call a Military."

Professional baby killers?!?! As I thought about what a wonderful father my husband is and wondered how long it would be before he was able tosee his children again, indignation rose up within me. Normally reserved, pride in my husband gave me a boldness I ha never known. Tonight, one voice would cry our on behalf of themilitary. One shy woman would stand and let her pride in our troops be known. I made my way to their table, placing my palms flat on it and lowered myself to be eye level with them. Smiling I said "I couldn't help overhearing your your conversation. I am sitting over here trying to enjoy my dinner alone. Do you know why I am alone? Because my husband, whom I love dearly, is halfway across the world defending your right to say rotten things about him. You have the right to your opinion, and what you think is none of my business. But what you say in my hearing is and I will not sit by and listen to you run down my country, my president, my husband, and all these other fine men and women in here who put their lives on the line to give you the freedom tocomplain. Freedom is expensive ladies. Don't let your words and actions cheapen it."

I must have been louder than I meant to be, because about that time the manager came over and asked if everything was all right. "yes, thank you" I replied and then turned back to the ladies. "Enjoy the rest of your meal."

To my surprise, as I sat down to finish my steak, a round of applause broke out in the restaurant. Not long after the ladies picked up their check and scurried away, the manager brought me a huge helping of apple cobbler and ice cream. Compliments of the table to my left. He told me that the ladies had tried to pay for my dinner but someone had already beaten them to it. When I asked who, he said the couple had already left, but that the man had mentioned he was a WWII Vet and wanted to take care of the wife of one of our boys.

I turned to thank the soldiers for the cobbler, but they wouldn't hear a word of it retorting "Thank you, you said what we wanted to, but weren't allowed"

As I drove home that night, for the first time in a while, I didn't feel quite so alone. My heart was filled with the warmth of all the patrons who had stopped by my table to tell me they too were proud of my husband and that he would be in their prayers. I knew their flags would fliy a little higher the next day. Perhaps they would look for tangible ways to show their pride in our country and our troops. And maybe, just MAYBE, the two ladies sitting at that table next to me would pause for a minute to appreciate all the freedom this great country offers and what it costs to maintain. As for me, I had learned that one voice can make a difference. Maybe the next time protesters gather outside the gates of the base where I live, I will proudly stand across the street with a sign of my own. a sign that says "THANK YOU!!"

Note from me:

I also fought for every persons right for freedom of speech, the right to have an opinion, the right to live in this country without fear of religious persecution. whenever the weather is decent in Red Bluff (meaning around 70 degrees with no wind or rain or blistering heat) a group of protsters gather on main street to protest the war and protest the military. I like to call them fair weather protesters. If it REALLY mattered to them, they would be out there all day every day of every week of every month of every year. Rain, sleet, snow, sunshine, or 115 degree weather. But they aren't. Actions speak louder than words. If you care about something, SHOUT it from the the mountaintops. If you were able to read this note, thank a teacher. If you were able to read it in english, thank a veteran or service member.

If you found this note offensive, I honestly can't say I am sorry. If it did offend you, you have the right to not read it, you have the right to unfriend me, you have the right to call me whatever name you please. I won't be offended. After all, I fought for that right too.

To sum it all up, I think a sticker on a car I saw words it best. If you don't want to stand behind our troops, please, FEEL FREE to stand in front of them.

Flash Mob for Mrs. Palubeski

Today, I saw the most inspirational story of a community (more specifically, Red Bluff High School students) come together to lift up one of their own. Here's the story:

about 5 months ago, Betsy Palubeski (teacher at RBUHS) was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She underwent treatment and came back home on monday January 31st after being gone for over three months. The story is that when her treatment was done, the nurses sang "Zippededoodaa zippededay My oh My what a wonderful day". Quite a song to hear when you've just been told "Your cancer is gone".

Enter monday... Cindy Haase (another teacher at RBUHS) asked the high school band if they could learn the song and then today (friday) mob together with the rest of the school and march to the front of Mrs. Palubeskis house and welcome her home. I didn't hear about his until one of the members of the bank posted on his FB page about what was going to happen. Well, I got on the horn to KRCR channel 7 and KNVN/KHSL and both were able to make it. While their videos are a lot nicer than mine, I still made a mash up of what I recorded.

To say that being proud of the students would be an understatement. To say that the faculty that made it happen are awesome is an understatement. Simply, this was one helluva start to 2011 for students, teachers, observers, and Mrs. Palubeski. Here's the video that I shot. Share it, make people aware of cancer and early detection. Get involved with Relay for Life, donate platelets and blood, get on the bone marrow registry. DO SOMETHING. I don't have deep pockets, but i've got a big heart. I can't donate much money, but I can certainly donate time.



Mrs. P's husband also recorded a video and shared on Facebook. you can click HERE to go watch it. He's got a point... There aren't many places on earth that can do something this cool. Red Bluff, Ca is one of those places. This isn't just a great place to live, it isn't just a great place to raise a family. It's a place to become part of a BIG family. One that I have been part of for my entire life. It makes me proud to say that I am Red Bluffian Through and Through.

Here's where I call everyone to action: If you have defeated cancer, know someone who has, and ESPECIALLY if you know someone who has succumbed their battle to cancer, PLEASE, PLEEEAAASE find a cause to help support and donate to. Me personally, Relay For Life. I am hoping to raise $1000 this year. I raise $1000 and I will dye my hair purple and pink. I want to rid this horrible disease from this planet and want to celebrate more birthdays with friends who have kicked cancers butt and told it to never come back again. If you want to donate, click HERE. If you want to get involved, please email me justin.iiams@gmail.com and I will make sure you get in touch with the right people. Lets Save the TaTa's and Kill Cancer!

The Nice Guy