Thursday, April 21, 2011

Bullies and How I made it out alive

With it being 12 years since the tragic events at Columbine, there have been 46 more school shootings world wide. I was the victim of bullies for most of my school years from 6th grade till high school graduation. I felt some extremely low points during that time. I didn't have many high points... but I made it out alive. I wrote this note months ago and shared it on Facebook. I can only hope that any kids out there feeling as if they are being bullied can read this and hopefully find some strength. If any of them ever need an ear to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or a back to share the burden, I am here. email me at Here's the note:

This topic of bullies has been one of the biggest sorrows and burdens my entire life. This past month has brought all of the memories from my past to the surface and I've had to painfully remember them and use those memories to talk to those around me who are or have been bullied. being called every cruel term about pimples to having a gut. to not wearing the "cool clothes" to smelling like cigarettes because my mom and grandma smoked in the house. to not fitting in and not being accepted for who I was. From the jackass who tormented me every chance he got in high school to the guy who repeatedly tormented me in the pool during PE. The girls who would laugh at me and wouldn't give me the time of day. the ones who looked at me as if I were a Leaper and would give them a disease if they talked to me or had to sit next to me. High school in a nutshell was a nightmare. the football player who was coach johnsons' pride and joy who threw apples and oranges at me, who shoved me into lockers, called me every horrible name he could think of, and made it his life's mission to make me miserable. from pantsing me every chance he got and calling me needle dick whenever there was a group of girls around. He was there to make sure I was the one who was laughed at when there were plenty of people to laugh at me with him.

Yeah, i hated high school. I hated the teachers that didn't listen, I hated the students that laughed at me, i hated those who took it upon themselves to make sure I was as unhappy as possible. What goes through the mind of a kid who is bullied? first, sadness. second, hatred. third, self doubt. fourth, more hatred. fifth, depressing/anxiety/rage. see the pattern? with each and every time that someone is bullied, their rage grows. What happens if that rage doesn't have an outlet? mayhem. That kid who was bullied incessantly finally cannot take it anymore and does one of two things. They take their life, or the life of another. How do I know? I fantasized about the revenge I wanted. it consumed me. All I could think about was the vengeance that I would have one day. The day that I wasn't paying attention and I was hit with an apple in the head from across the classroom and the teacher did NOTHING. What did I have planned at that point? I packed my backpack, I went to my car, I went home, grabbed a baseball bat, and started driving back to school. I was going to make sure that the pain I felt both physically and mentally would be transferred back to this guy. I got back to school and sat in my car for what felt like hours. I cried. I cried hard. Who had I become? This person with so much rage I wanted to cause physical harm to another person? It scared the hell out of me. long story short, I chose NOT to take out my rage on him. Call it a miracle of God, call it a turning point, call it whatever you want. I somehow became the exception. I chose not to hurt another human being.

So, How did I make it out alive? 8 people come to mind apart from my family. Eddie Henderson, Heidi Henderson, Jennifer Morris, Jesse Morris, Daryl Jones, Jenny Jones, Jim Monck, and Sharon Monck, and Bev Kelley. These were all people that were either a pastor, youth pastor, or leader and role model to me. These were people that accepted me completely. pimples, gut, and awkwardness, and everything else. They made me feel as if I belonged. I gradually BELIEVED that I belonged. Eddie, Jesse, and Daryl kept me on the straight and narrow and the wonderful women were the shoulder I needed to share my burdens with. I can confidently say that without them, I don't know if I would be here today.

Thank you Eddie, Heidi, Jennider, Jesse, Daryl, Jenny, Bev, Jim, and Sharon for being there for me when I needed it. You have truly been a godsend to me in my life.

I learned one very important lesson in all of this: It will get better. maybe not today, or tomorrow, but it will get better. I promise.

The Nice Guy

P.S. do you have a story similar to this? Were you the bully and changed your ways? Share in the comments section and let the world know that Bullies will not be tolerated anymore!

Monday, April 11, 2011

GOD I hate bullies! #parenting

Today I was minding my own business on my way to the post office to get the mail. I'm on the phone and I see a few cars in front of me slow down then keep going. to my right, I see a big boy... probably around 6'0 230 lbs wailing on the other kid who was MAYBE 5'4" and 120 lbs dripping wet. I roll the window down and tell them to knock it off. No stopping. I put the car in park, get out, and then pull the big boy off the little one. He was smart enough not to throw a punch but he was certainly considering it. I tell the kid being beat up to get on out of there and I would handle "Tubs" (as I affectionately called him after he got lippy).

SO, little kid starts walking off and then Tub's friends start mouthing off "Hey, why the fuck do you care?!?!" Let's see.... I was that kid less than 15 years ago. The memories are still VERY clear to me. The memories of being bullied. the memories of having the ever loving dog shit beat out of me are still VERY vivid to me. While your buddy was beating the hell out of him (the little guy) you were watching and laughing. then your mouthy little girlfriend yelled "You're dead you little shit"... now, I see that as a valid threat So I got on the phone and called the police. The two little punks got in their beat up little rice burner car (but not before I got their license plate.. it's 5NKJ761 in case anyone wants to find out who owns it so I can call their parents btw).

While I was waiting for the police to show up, Tubs and his merry band of hoodrats kept slinging insults and threats at me. Unfortunately, they were all under age or I might be writing this blog from jail... that's another story.

SO, I think the day is over, broke up a fight, and did a good deed. hopefully the smaller boy won't have to deal with those bullies again. BUT WAIT, I WAS WRONG!!!!!

So Hoodrat 1 and Hoodrat 2 drive past me, and then proceed to follow me. for 30 minutes.... I called the police again and their response? "well sir, you can come to the police dept if you think they will follow you". Right, and Osama Bin Laden is gunna roll up to the white house and say "Hey Pres Obama, lets partay!". Sure.

So, I decide to slow down and let them drive up next to me. I say "Hello ladies, tell me, are either of you over the age of 18? because if you are, we'll park now and I'll teach you what it means to trifle with someone. Hell, I'll even let the two of you fight. so long as I get to record it and post it on youtube after I've filed my report with the police department for harrasment and threats. Because i'm feeling generous, I will let you know this one thing: I am a Navy Veteran, I was bullied a lot in school, I have no patience or tolerance for bullies, and I will teach you both a lesson on picking on someone. just because there are two of you doesn't mean I won't beat the shit out of you. You will either learn today or another day that picking on someone doesn't do the world any good. now scamper along, go play xbox and talk shit to someone for fragging them in a make believe world where you think you are superior."

They promptly drove off after peeling out their tires while screaming expletives.

SO, here's what I learned today.....

Bullies need to have their asses handed to them for them to eventually realize the harm they are doing. case in point here:

As an adult, whether you have the time or not, whether you are late to work, or have the entire day to yourself... If you see someone being picked on or beaten up or being bullied... stop the damn car and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! By driving past events like these, you are passively condoning violence and bullies. Stand up for the little guy. I hear so many people talk about how they hate bullies, but they never do anything about it. Was there a chance Tubs and his 4 friends could have ganged up on me? Certainly! Would the kid who was being bullied gotten away? Yep. I am strong enough to take an ass whipping. But how about all those kids who have committed suicide because they weren't strong enough? If they would have seen just one person stand up for them, maybe they would see that they do have someone on their side.

thirdly, the police department is slooooooooooowwwwwww. I was no more than 4 blocks away from the RBPD when this happened. 15 minutes passed before a cop showed up. To say I was fairly disappointed in their *ahem* "timeliness" would be an understatement. and obviously, they have more important things to do... as to what, i'm not sure.

Fourth... a friend of mine said that a 1V1 fight is fair... sure, in MMA fights, Boxing, and other blood sports. Both people step into the ring knowing full well they are going to bash each others' brains in. but in this instance??? a kid twice the size of another? I can only guess by the few seconds of a fight that neither had formal training in fighting. so the argument that it was "fair" is invalid. There was nothing fair about this fight. it was a big boy picking on a little boy. that's not fair in my book.

and Lastly, I vow to ALWAYS stop when I see someone being picked on. Whether the bully is half my size or twice my size. If I get my ass beat in the process of defending someone who can't defend themselves... Those are bumps and bruises I'm willing to take on.

In this day & age, Bullies shouldn't be able to get away with things like this. The police department needs to round the kid up, and take them to Juvie. The schools need to stomp this incessant amount of bullying before it's too late for another child. If you ever pass by an event like the one today, you are just as guilty as the bully in my eyes.

Here's the the underdog! Here's to Rudy! Here's to all people who stand up against bullies and stand up to protect those who can't defend themselves.